OK folks here it is. It's been weeks in the making, but I'm finally ready to announce The Big Bitchy Contest. *does cheerleader kicks while drinking bathtub gin*Here's how it will work. You guys know MadLibs, right? Well, this is BB BitchLibs. I've written a little story and now all you good people are needed to finish it. Be creative. Be funny. Inspire me with your acumen. Submit your entries in the comments by listing your answers numbered 1-25.
I will pick 4 of what I deem to be the most entertaining submissions and then all of my lovely readers will vote for the winner. The winner will receive a one and only AUTHENTIC Mr. O'Shaugnessy Mug. He spent hours designing it and is very happy to share his creation with one lucky person.
You may enter as many times as you like. The contest will run for 1 week until 5:00 PM EST September 8th. I will repost the BB BitchLibs everyday for easy commenting. If you comment anonymously, just say who you are at the end of your submission. Make them silly. Make them rude. Most importantly, make them bitchy!***************************************************************************
THE REUNION PARTY
It was Friday night at the new hot club in downtown L.A. It was the night of the Big Brother 11 cast reunion party! There were bottles of (1) LIQUID and trays of (2) FOOD ready to be enjoyed by all. The host for the evening was none other than Allison Grodner herself. She carried around a (3) OBJECT with her all night and looked very dignified.
Lydia and Jessie arrived hand in hand and Lydia delighted in showing everyone her new tattoo of (4) NOUN. Jessie wore pink muscle pants and a t-shirt that said (5) FUNNY QUOTE. They kept their distance from Natalie because she was with her boyfriend who spent the evening shooting evil (6) PLURAL NOUN in Jessie’s direction. He also had a hand on the Ragamuffin’s (7) BODY PART and she found it very difficult to move freely.
Jeff and Jordan, the couple everyone hotly anticipated, arrived late because Jordan was busy (8) VERB Jeff’s (9) BODY PART. They smiled sweetly for the cameras and when asked what their favorite part of being in Big Brother was, Jordan said, (10) JORDAN-ISM and Jeff replied (11) JEFF-ISM.
Lydia and Jessie arrived hand in hand and Lydia delighted in showing everyone her new tattoo of (4) NOUN. Jessie wore pink muscle pants and a t-shirt that said (5) FUNNY QUOTE. They kept their distance from Natalie because she was with her boyfriend who spent the evening shooting evil (6) PLURAL NOUN in Jessie’s direction. He also had a hand on the Ragamuffin’s (7) BODY PART and she found it very difficult to move freely.
Jeff and Jordan, the couple everyone hotly anticipated, arrived late because Jordan was busy (8) VERB Jeff’s (9) BODY PART. They smiled sweetly for the cameras and when asked what their favorite part of being in Big Brother was, Jordan said, (10) JORDAN-ISM and Jeff replied (11) JEFF-ISM.
Michele was decked out in a (12) ADJECTIVE dress and kept whispering for her husband to shove a (13) NOUN up her ass. He was a little taken aback at her public request but obliged her and Michele felt (14) EMOTION.
Russell and Casey, new besties, spent all of their time in the DJ booth playing (15) MUSICIAN/BAND and comparing their (16) PLURAL NOUN.
On the dance floor was where Laura and Braden shined. She swayed her (17) NOUN and he shook his (18) PLURAL NOUN. Ronnie tried to dance and join in the fun but his (19) NOUN kept getting in the way.
The winner, Kevin, made a grand entrance decked out in his best (20) GARMENT. It was (21) COLOR and smattered with (22) PLURAL NOUN. His boyfriend gazed upon him adoringly and thought about all the (23) THINGS he could now buy with the prize money.
The merriment lasted for hours and everyone had a blast. The night was a success! Off in the distance, if you listened closely, you could hear the (24) ADJECTIVE voice of an expelled Houseguest shouting (25) CHIMA-ISM, you motherfuckers!
The End
Super special thanks goes out to PrettyPlainJo! She helped me the whole way through with planning this little contest and I'm deeply indebted to her. Please check out her blog and show her some love over at Pretty Plain Jo: The Blog.
LOL well I had a hard time with this and my answers aren't the greatest but I just had to try it for a Mr. O'Shaugnessy mug seeing as I love this blog to death (hence sharing it with my fellow baby makers) My husband judged me a little I think over this *snickers* Well here goes.
ReplyDelete1. Grey Goose
2. nectarines
3. tea-cup chiuaua
4. Jessie's face
5. "Welcome to the gun show"
6. looks of death
7. face
8. teasing
9. cock
10. Is this a peach or a nectarine?
11. What a yo yo.
12. smutty
13. Grey Goose bottle
14. euphoric
15. Eminem
16. penis sizes
17. fake boobs
18. pecs
19. bulbous ass
20. cashmere scarf
21. amethyst
22. rhinestones
23. anal beads
24. strident
25. DEUCES!
1. Wine
ReplyDelete2. Nectarines
3. Whip
4. "Mr" Jessie
5. "Love Me! ....I DO!!"
6. Pitchforks
7. Skanky Crotch
8. Kissing
9. Pimply Ass
10. Eating a Nectarine, or is it a peach?"
11. You GOT GOT, Bro!!
12. Backless
13. Butt Plug
14. Orgasmic
15. The Banana Men
16. Their bananas
17. New Fake TaTas
18. Little Beaner weiner
19. Joystick
20. Fabulous Scarf
21. Pink
22. Rainbow Stripes
23. Dirty and Crazy
24. the High Pitched Shreiking
25. "You're ALL terrorists, you motherfuckers!!"
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
ReplyDelete1 breast milk
ReplyDelete2 kumquats
3 stuffed squirrel
4 Jessie's mole on his ass
5 I cry when I see ugly people
6 boogies
7 head
8 eating
9 knee
10 peactarines
11 Dude I'll slice your throat YOU don't know me
12 bumble bee yellow
13 hamster
14 titillated
15 Boy George
16 fedoras
17 inflated tatas
18 boyhood
19 left foot
20 pashima
21 ice blue
22 sparkles
23 enrique CD's
24 desperate
25 I am a strong black woman
donna6167
1. Peach nectar
ReplyDelete2. Cream cheese and cocktail weiners
3. Bejeweled crop
4. The Twin Towers
5. "If the tent is a-rockin', don't come a-knockin'!"
6. Anger bags
7. Newly minted ginormous candy ass
8. Motor boating
9. Penis
10.My new BFF!
11.Meeting Mrs. Roper!
12.Bright orange
13.Traffic cone
14.Exorcised
15.Technotronics
16.Speeches
17.Plastic
18.Leather pants-wearing-ass
19.Light saber
20.Hoodie
21.Bright gold
22.Jesse jisms
23.Miami cabana boys
24.Ball gagged muffled
25."CBS can kiss my Vaselined Black Ass"
By far the hardest part of this was deciding which line to use for Jordan,
ReplyDeleteshe just left us with so many damn good choices it was incredibly hard to decide.
Other than that it was choosing how to handle Kevin,
I just love him so very much I couldn't bring myself to rip on him.
He is so fabulous that he really left very little room to make fun of him anyway.
As a very funny lady once said "Please to enjoy"
1. Chima repellent
2. chaoserolle
3. life size cardboard cut out of Jeff
4. Captain Unitard
5. I have a huge head...sorry ladies not that one
6. sandwiches
7. foaming mouth
8. teasing
9. cock (I know 8&9 were obvious but how can you resist right?)
10. "them peach flavored nectarines y'all"
11. "defintely not when I got got bro." followed by his neanderthal laugh
12. waterproof pleather dominatrix
13. chia Obama
14. confused as usual
15. Casey's remix of Elton John's Rocket Man called Banana Man
16. stories of all the times they got beat up as kids
17. low IQ
18. dandruff
19. whiteness
20. Italian silk scarf
21. magenta
22. Swarovski crystals
23. mole removal surgeries for Enrique Iglesias
24. migraine inducing
25. Allison Grodner is a misogonist
Kristin Barnes
kdb112@hotmail.com
1. man-juice
ReplyDelete2. condoms
3. mangled head of Chima
4. jessie's penis (x-small)
5. Kevin and Ross Mathews can fight over me!
6. snot rockets
7. corn cob up her ass
8. looking for
9. balls
10. the slippernyess of the peaches
11. It's over
12. Prada
13. Jeff's houseguest key
14. minimal
15. Limp Bizkit
16. cock rings
17. horse mouth
18. money maker
19. Ego
20. phsycodelic hoodie
21. Green, color of money honey
22. gold coins
23. headshots
24. obnoxious squeal
25. ohhh, Heeelllll no!
1. Haterade.
ReplyDelete2. Tuna.
3. A glossy 8X10 of Jeff.
4. Jessie's johnson.
5. I know... I thought I was gay, too.
6. sperm samples.
7. ratty head.
8. picking.
9. nose.
10. I lost. (But the food was great, ya'll.)
11. It hurts. (Fuck yeah, Jordough.)
12. Straight jacket.
13. AG's glossy 8X10 of Jeff.
14. Coocoo for Cocoa Puffs.
15. Vanilla Ice.
16. Number of FaceBook friends.
17. Weird looking fake boobs.
18. The hamsters he brought along in his pocket.
19. Rat tail.
20. Scarf.
21. Rainbow.
22. The keys of his fallen victims.
23. Japanese hoodies.
24. hyena-like
25. I QUIT! (and then she laughed at her own joke)
1.lube 2.a dildo carved out of cheddar cheese
ReplyDelete3.a torn out track of chimas weave 4.electro-shock paddles 5.I know what boys like...boys like me 6.cum shots 7.asshole 8.eating 9.toe jam 10. bein' all gucci 11. gettin got while stabbing someone in the neck 12.vanilla ice 13.pubic hair 14.tits 15. ball sacks 19. boner 20. hoddie a scarf 21.aqua 22.blood 23.lube and rope 24.melancholy 25.you're all terrorist
1. Acid
ReplyDelete2. Sushi
3. Sword
4. Jesse's schlong
5. "This is How I Roll" (picture of 3 barrels rolling down a hill)
6. Side eye
7. Neck
8. Sucking
9. Fingers
10. "Don't you just love cookie dough?"
11. "That's why I like Jordan. She's a good person. Not a douche like Russell. He got got."
12. Dorky
13. Memory Card
14. Ignited
15. "Gangsta's Paradise" - Coolio
16. quote-on-quote characters
17. Hips
18. Shoulders
19. Suspenders
20. Layers of scarves
21. Purple
22. Fringes
23. Nerd Glasses
24. Crazed
25. "I'm was too diva for this!"
1.Red dye #2
ReplyDelete2.chitlins
3.jar of Natalie's toenails
4.Jessie riding DaeYumYum
5."The Escape Goat"
6.churros
7.labia
8.licking
9.armpit
10."Y'all, I think my boob just popped!"
11."Fuck you, you fat fucking fucker!"
12.see-through
13.pepper mill
14.nostalgic
15.MC Hammer
16.skid marks
17.udders
18.surfboard
19.Princess Leia costume
20.T-shirt
21.turquoise
22.Swarovski crystals
23.french ticklers
24.caterwauling
blinkonetime@hotmail.com
25."That was MY HoH"
ReplyDeleteblinkonetime@hotmail.com
1. Michelle's tears
ReplyDelete2. Jardianaire stuffed sausages
3. A vibrator with Jeff's head drawn on the tip
4. A "no entry"sign with LOL beneath it.
5. "The man, The myth, The Massengill spokesman"
6.Evil Myopic eyes
7. Curly little tail
8. scratching
9. rectum
10. The Gucci food
11. All the massages I got got
12. Vintage Norma Desmond
13. Ice cube
14. Bi-Polar (see what i did thar?)
15. Bananaramma
16. pick up lines
17. Botoxed nipples
18. gnarly nutsack
19. Julie Chen autographed pocket protector
20. lifejacket.
21. pink/yellow plaid
22. tiny little banners, that read: "Cum float with me!!"
23. Ennema kits
24. Hypocritical
25. You're all racist, terrorist, masoganist, self absorbed, spoiled, shallow motha-fuka's. Deuces!!!...Glenda the good witch laugh mixed with cries of loneliness.
dragonmw40@hotmail.com
ReplyDeletesorry forgot to ID meself!
THE REUNION PARTY by itsmedave
ReplyDeleteIt was Friday night at the new hot club in downtown L.A. It was the night of the Big Brother 11 cast reunion party! There were bottles of Ragamuffin's goats blood and trays of cookie dough and chitlins ready to be enjoyed by all. The host for the evening was none other than Allison Grodner herself. She carried around one of Michelle's used butt plugs with her all night and looked very dignified.
Lydia and Jessie arrived hand in hand and Lydia delighted in showing everyone her new tattoo of Jessie's miniscule pecker. Jessie wore pink muscle pants and a t-shirt that said "My 2 ho's outlasted me in the house and all I got was this lousy t-shirt...and a handjob from Russell". They kept their distance from Natalie because she was with her boyfriend who spent the evening shooting evil flying monkey's in Jessie’s direction. He also had a hand on the Ragamuffin’s vaginal horns and she found it very difficult to move freely.
Jeff and Jordan, the couple everyone hotly anticipated, arrived late because Jordan was busy finger painting Jeff’s painfully swollen nutsack. They smiled sweetly for the cameras and when asked what their favorite part of being in Big Brother was, Jordan said, "What's a part?" giggled, farted, and shoved her head in Jeff armpit as he replied "showing America that I'm a positive thinker, not a yo-yo...now get away from me before I stab you in the neck."
Michele was decked out in a diamond dildo studded dress and kept whispering for her husband to shove a production assistant up her ass. He was a little taken aback at her public request but obliged her and Michele felt there was still room for a couple more stagehands up her well oiled but stinky spincter.
Russell and Casey, new besties, spent all of their time in the DJ booth playing Vanilla Ice and comparing their banana-peeling techniques.
On the dance floor was where Laura and Braden shined. She swayed her silicon enhanced self esteem and he shook his homeless moneymaker. Ronnie tried to dance and join in the fun but his huge sagging pussy kept getting in the way.
The winner, Kevin, made a grand entrance decked out in his best neon fringed assless chaps. It was rainbow colored and smattered with cum-stained hoodies. His boyfriend gazed upon him adoringly and thought about all the handsome muscular boytoys he could now buy with Kevin's prize money.
The merriment lasted for hours and everyone had a blast. The night was a success! Off in the distance, if you listened closely, you could hear the sedated voice of an expelled Houseguest shouting (carefully edited out by Big Brother), you motherfuckers!
The End
1. Malt Liquor
ReplyDelete2. slop shaped like animals and crackers
3. baby (possibly Julie’s)
4. Jessie posing naked
5. I’m with her (with a finger pointing to his left)
6. spats of fire
7. wind up dial sticking out of her back
8. licking
9. penis dipped in cookie dough and chocolate syrup
10. they had the best nectarines or were they peaches?
11. I really though I had them at techno-tronics
12. that had a picture of Michelle giving Lala the death stare and the finger with a bubble that said F You Lala. On the back a picture of Mr. O'Shaugnessy being tortured by Michelle and her rats.
13. pictures of the houseguests in the shower
14. giddy
15. vanilla ice
16. manhood
17. teeth
18. sunkissed tresses
19. over confidence
20. hoodie
21. Barney purple
22. Julio Iglesias autograph
23. sex toys and paraphernalia
24. cackling
25. I chose to leave the Big Brother house. I was not expelled!
1. hot tub water
ReplyDelete2. slop-fried squid
3.Jeff's dance w/me shirt
4.Jessies "gunz"
5. "Mr. Pectacular"
6. Winks
7.mouth
8.rejecting
9.behind
10.'that's gucci"!
11.I've got the coup-dee-what?
12.Another ulgy
13.Jeff
14. Chima (yes,see Amazon)
16.loss
17.teeth
18. eyebrow hairs
19. light saber
20. hoodie
21. rainbow
22. Natalies nail clippings
23. shit
24. screachy
25. you took my HOH power!
Susan in FL
THE REUNION PARTY
ReplyDeleteIt was Friday night at the new hot club in downtown L.A. It was the night of the Big Brother 11 cast reunion party! There were bottles of HOLY WATER and trays of CHEETOS ready to be enjoyed by all. The host for the evening was none other than Allison Grodner herself. She carried around a PLAY DOH LIKENESS OF JEFF with her all night and looked very dignified.
Lydia and Jessie arrived hand in hand and Lydia delighted in showing everyone her new tattoo of ROSS MATHEWS. Jessie wore pink muscle pants and a t-shirt that said “ONCE I HAD A SECRET LOVE”. They kept their distance from Natalie because she was with her boyfriend who spent the evening shooting evil PUPPY DOG EYES in Jessie’s direction. He also had a hand on the Ragamuffin’s NOW EVIDENT LONG BARBED TAIL and she found it very difficult to move freely.
Jeff and Jordan, the couple everyone hotly anticipated, arrived late because Jordan was busy BRAIDING Jeff’s HAIR. They smiled sweetly for the cameras and when asked what their favorite part of being in Big Brother was, Jordan said, LEARNING WHAT QUARTER PAST THE HOUR MEANS and Jeff replied MAKING SNACKEROOS.
Michele was decked out in a PURPLE HOODIE dress and kept whispering for her husband to shove a BOTTLE OF TAP WATER up her ass. He was a little taken aback at her public request but obliged her and Michele felt THE VOICES COME ALIVE.
Russell and Casey, new besties, spent all of their time in the DJ booth playing KC AND THE SUNSHINE BAND and comparing their EYEBROWS.
On the dance floor was where Laura and Braden shined. She swayed her RECENTLY REMOVED IMPLANTS and he shook his KNAPSACK FULL OF “BORROWED” AUTRALIAN SOUVENIRS. Ronnie tried to dance and join in the fun but his TEARS kept getting in the way.
The winner, Kevin, made a grand entrance decked out in his best FRINGED SCARF. It was AUBERGINE and smattered with GOLD SEQUINS. His boyfriend gazed upon him adoringly and thought about all the PLASTIC SURGERY he could now buy with the prize money.
The merriment lasted for hours and everyone had a blast. The night was a success! Off in the distance, if you listened closely, you could hear the SHRILL voice of an expelled Houseguest shouting, I STILL WANNA KNOW WHO ATE MY CHEETOS, you motherfuckers!
The End
1) Absinthe
ReplyDelete2) Slop Cookies
3) a voodoo doll in the likeness of Chima
4) Mr. O'Shaughnessey reposed in a cloverfield, naked but for his tophat and smoking his little opium pipe
5) "I'm with Sexy" (with an arrow pointing up at himself)
6) spitballs
7) Devil Horns
8) writing the names of their unborn children
9) back
10) "cookie dough!"
11) "DUDE, when I won HOH and production smuggled me in those He-Man figurines to play with. DUDE that so fucking AWESOME! Thank you Big Brother!."
12) white taffeta
13) badminton raquet
14) a wave of exhileration, a surge of pride, and not an ounce of embarassment
15) Run D.M.C.
16) lists of previous occupations
17) hips
18) nipples
19) fat wife
20) what else?... SCARF
21) porphyry
22) gold dust
23) Latin pop albums
24) shrill wailing
25) "I'll get all you racist, misogynist, terrorist motherfuckers; my army of angry black lesbian millitants will bomb all y'all's houses! DUECES, you motherfuckers!"
-Vito in Calgary
1. Mike's Hard Lemonade filled with Natalie's shower water
ReplyDelete2. Squid Chips and Slop Crackers
3. Pimp cup overflowing with money
4. Jessie bitch-slapping Natalie
5. I shaved my balls for this?
6. Subliminal panicked pleas for help
7. Penis (what else?)
8. Trying to fight off
9. Raging hard on
10. "My boobs feel weird!"
11. "Take it easy, Mrs. Roper."
12. Tin Foil
13. King-size Snickers bar that Jeff took a bite out of
14. Like a little girl again
15. Rage Against the Machine
16. 16 different careers
17. Newly Invis-aligned teeth
18. Head, trying to figure out where he knew these people from
19. Wife
20. Striped t-shirt with no arm-holes
21. Yellow and turquoise
22. Natalie's funk that still hasn't washed out from the last time she wore it
23. Haircuts for Kevin
24. Attention seeking, nails-on-a-chalkboard
25. "You guys can suck a dick!"
1. Leftover chocolate rain that Allison Grodner had delighted in helping "Jeffy-spew" squeeze out of Jordan's "braw".
ReplyDelete2. Squid and chitlin sushi.
3. Glittered and bejeweled cattle prod. (just in case Chia-ma snook in)
4. Gnat's jism tie-dyed sweatshirt.
5."Why the f*&k didn't EVERYBODY cry?"
6. Voodoo painted toenails
7. Cootchie (trying to find a tampon she lost) That Ginormous one that made her walk like a pregnant duck)
8. french-kissing
9. arse (Michelle had set up a free tutorial booth in the parking garage)
10. Gucci quifs
11. Cootie taw or sniffin' Jordo's braw
12. Yellow rubber
13. another fist
14. the faintest tickle in her no-no
15. New Kids on The Block
16. Gangsta poses
17. Beachball sized boobs
18. Groove thang
19. Giant Mensa member gold chain
20. Designer Hoodie
21. Gold Lame'
22. Rubies, Pearls and Diamonds (from the bottom of Pandora's Box) Ha Ha Ya BITCHES!
23. Electrolysis and anal waxes
24. Russell is still LUSTING for me!
Beyotchykeen
Can not believe I forked that up. Who can concentrate after seeing that hot leprachaun ass. All I can think about now is "Smacking It". 24. shoulda been "Ear drum splttin, sireeeeeen-like, just a damn miniscule notch above only dogs can hear" and 25. shoulda been. You mutha fuckers know Russell is still mother fucking lusting after my mother fucking ass.
ReplyDelete1. Mike’s Hard Lemonade
ReplyDelete2. Cookie dough
3. Picture of Jeff
4. Jessie posing
5. “I heart Jessie”
6. Death rays
7. Bubble butt
8. Rubbing Jeff’s
9. ego…I mean back
10. Jeff
11. Jowwwdan, don’t stop rubbing!
12. “I love Jeff”
13. Cheese grater
14. Complete
15. The Ramones
16. Hipness
17. Double EEs
18. Implanted dread locks
19. Cockiness
20. Hoodie
21. Purple
22. Rainbow colors
23. Friends
24. Shrill
25. You are all terrorists
Missi
1. Mad Dog 20/20
ReplyDelete2. Spam
3. POV Necklace
4. Air
5. I have opinions of my own-strong opinions-but I don't always agree with them. -George Bush
6. Dingleberries
7. Nipple
8. Smelling
9. Taint
10. "Eating cookie dough"
11. "Watching Jordan eat cookie dough"
12. Cum stained
13. Peanut
14. Blessed
15. K C & The Sunshine Band
16. Ears
17. Monkey
18. Lizard
19. Bible
20. Unitard
21. Peach
21. Body fluids
22. Lube
23. Cuntish
24. "I don't play this shit in real life"
RC
1- Raid
ReplyDelete2- Chocolate dipped water bugs
3- Vibrator
4- A sphincter
5- "No butts about it, I kiss my own ass"
6- Douche bottle eyes
7- Tongue
8- Shaving
9- Chest
10- "Like figuring out how to tell time"
11- "Getting married to Jordough"
12- See-through
13- Candlestick
14- Remorse
15- Vanilla Ice
16- Long second toes
17- Horse muzzle
18- Bag of oats
19- Man boobs
20- Hoodie
21- Neon pink
22- Sequins
23- Miami Sound Machine CDs
24- Screechy
25- Double dueces
1. wisky
ReplyDelete2. oxycontin
3. tape recorder
4. jessie's tiny testicles
5. "I don't eat for taste, I eat for function"
6. hardons
7. losely fitted shorts
8. shaving
9. armpits
10. the food
11. that night jordo discovered quiffing
12. trojan sponsored latex
13. the sterile urine container from her last physical
14. nostalgic
15. sir mix alot
16. medicine cabinet
17. mane
18. legs
19. world of warcraft strategy guide
20. designer tshirt
21. turquoise
22. a variety of pastels
23. mr. o'shaugnessy mugs
24. melodramatic
25. a strong woman made it to the end, deuces
THE REUNION PARTY
ReplyDeleteIt was Friday night at the new hot club in downtown L.A. It was the night of the Big Brother 11 cast reunion party! There were bottles of (1)Axe Body Spray and trays of (2)Red Vines, slop chips and cookie dough ready to be enjoyed by all. The host for the evening was none other than Allison Grodner herself. She carried around a (3) CUT TO FISH button with her all night and looked very dignified.
Lydia and Jessie arrived hand in hand and Lydia delighted in showing everyone her new tattoo of (4)her two fingers wrapped around a "top 10 famous celebrity"'s cock. Jessie wore pink muscle pants and a t-shirt that said (5)"I'm not gay...ask my boyfriend". They kept their distance from Natalie because she was with her boyfriend who spent the evening shooting evil (6)Muscle Milk in Jessie’s direction. He also had a hand on the Ragamuffin’s (7) tampon to help hold it in and she found it very difficult to move freely.
Jeff and Jordan, the couple everyone hotly anticipated, arrived late because Jordan was busy (8)trimming Jeff’s (9)armpit hair. They smiled sweetly for the cameras and when asked what their favorite part of being in Big Brother was, Jordan said, (10)"Saint Mary!" and Jeff replied (11)"Anybody want a Gotti Ssssandwich?"
Michele was decked out in a (12) greasy, rat-gnawed dress and kept whispering for her husband to shove a (13) slop enema up her ass. He was a little taken aback at her public request but obliged her and Michele felt (14) relieved that she was going to keep losing weight.
Russell and Casey, new besties, spent all of their time in the DJ booth playing (15) Barenaked Ladies's "If I Had a Million Dollars" and comparing their (16)banana sizes.
On the dance floor was where Laura and Braden shined. She swayed her (17)giant fake teeth and breasts and he shook his (18)empty change can. Ronnie tried to dance and join in the fun but his (19)ninja-like skills kept getting in the way.
The winner, Kevin, made a grand entrance decked out in his best (20)rainbow hoodie. It was (21)metallic gold and smattered with (22) tubes of rash medicine. His boyfriend gazed upon him adoringly and thought about all the (23)Enrique Iglesias cds he could now buy with the prize money.
The merriment lasted for hours and everyone had a blast. The night was a success! Off in the distance, if you listened closely, you could hear the (24)Ativan slurred voice of an expelled Houseguest shouting (25)I ain't doing shit 'cause I'm a strong, powerful woman, you motherfuckers!
The End
1. Pennicillin
ReplyDelete2. cookie dough
3. wireless vibrator remote
4. jessie's workout routine
5. Don't be sexist...bitches hate that
6. voodoo shrinking curses
7. matted ponytail
8. fingering
9. belly button
10. getting to see a foreign country as pretty as california
11. wizards powers and getting to help Jordan, who needs to shut the fuck up when she is told to shut the fuck up, make it farther in the game
12. semen print
13. mensa plaque
14. ecstacy
15. bryan austin green
16. third nipples
17. teeth
18. hair foils
19. light saber
20. pashmina
21. turquoise
22. bedazzler gems
23. handbags and politicians
24. caustic
25. I quit because russel is a terrorist and the producers are racist and women should team up together and I am the head bitch in charge
and you took my power and I like breaking shit and, don't forget, I QUIT
1. Dom
ReplyDelete2. Angels on Horseback
3. Caduceus
4. John Lennon's right shoe
5. Huntington Beach Cock Push-Up Champ 2009
6. Fuh-Q Blasts
7. Hole inside her lifeless chest cavity
8. Waxing
9. Back
10. The food!
11. Getting Got Got & America still lovin' me!
12. Backless
13. Baby Corn
14. Gravitas
15. Earth, Wind & Fire
16. Disco moves
17. Painted-on Prada
18. Birkenstocks
19. Succubus wife
20. Donna Jacket
21. Snow white
22. Rainbow hues
23. Waxings
24. Maniacal
25. Game Ain't Over
1. the blood of the innocent
ReplyDelete2. pure Colombian yayo
3. "Producing A Reality Show For Dummies" book
4. a life-size picture of herself
5. "I Look Up To Julie Chen...literally"
6. jizz
7. penis
8. finger-banging
9. balloon knot
10. "Stickin' with my strategery and not worryin' 'bout having revengeance for people that got me flustrated."
11. "All the fucking fucked up shit that fucking went the fuck on in that fucking house. Fuck. Ya fuckin' know? Did I mention fuck?"
12. second-hand
13. rat catheter
14. the rat inside there relieve himself
15. Raffi
16. "banana phones"
17. bit and bridle
18. bag of clothes he never unpacked
19. surprisingly gigantic nerd-cock
20. pair of buttless chaps
21. colored like the Mexican flag
22. anal leakage
23. Vaseline
24. Jackee Harry-esque
25. The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of the darkness. For he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers! And you will know I am the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon you!
The name is Loftis.