Tuesday, September 1, 2009

The Big Bitchy Contest

OK folks here it is. It's been weeks in the making, but I'm finally ready to announce The Big Bitchy Contest. *does cheerleader kicks while drinking bathtub gin*


Here's how it will work. You guys know MadLibs, right? Well, this is BB BitchLibs. I've written a little story and now all you good people are needed to finish it. Be creative. Be funny. Inspire me with your acumen. Submit your entries in the comments by listing your answers numbered 1-25.



I will pick 4 of what I deem to be the most entertaining submissions and then all of my lovely readers will vote for the winner. The winner will receive a one and only AUTHENTIC Mr. O'Shaugnessy Mug. He spent hours designing it and is very happy to share his creation with one lucky person.

You may enter as many times as you like. The contest will run for 1 week until 5:00 PM EST September 8th. I will repost the BB BitchLibs everyday for easy commenting. If you comment anonymously, just say who you are at the end of your submission. Make them silly. Make them rude. Most importantly, make them bitchy!


***************************************************************************


THE REUNION PARTY


It was Friday night at the new hot club in downtown L.A. It was the night of the Big Brother 11 cast reunion party! There were bottles of (1) LIQUID and trays of (2) FOOD ready to be enjoyed by all. The host for the evening was none other than Allison Grodner herself. She carried around a (3) OBJECT with her all night and looked very dignified.

Lydia and Jessie arrived hand in hand and Lydia delighted in showing everyone her new tattoo of (4) NOUN. Jessie wore pink muscle pants and a t-shirt that said (5) FUNNY QUOTE. They kept their distance from Natalie because she was with her boyfriend who spent the evening shooting evil (6) PLURAL NOUN in Jessie’s direction. He also had a hand on the Ragamuffin’s (7) BODY PART and she found it very difficult to move freely.

Jeff and Jordan, the couple everyone hotly anticipated, arrived late because Jordan was busy (8) VERB Jeff’s (9) BODY PART. They smiled sweetly for the cameras and when asked what their favorite part of being in Big Brother was, Jordan said, (10) JORDAN-ISM and Jeff replied (11) JEFF-ISM.


Michele was decked out in a (12) ADJECTIVE dress and kept whispering for her husband to shove a (13) NOUN up her ass. He was a little taken aback at her public request but obliged her and Michele felt (14) EMOTION.

Russell and Casey, new besties, spent all of their time in the DJ booth playing (15) MUSICIAN/BAND and comparing their (16) PLURAL NOUN.

On the dance floor was where Laura and Braden shined. She swayed her (17) NOUN and he shook his (18) PLURAL NOUN. Ronnie tried to dance and join in the fun but his (19) NOUN kept getting in the way.

The winner, Kevin, made a grand entrance decked out in his best (20) GARMENT. It was (21) COLOR and smattered with (22) PLURAL NOUN. His boyfriend gazed upon him adoringly and thought about all the (23) THINGS he could now buy with the prize money.

The merriment lasted for hours and everyone had a blast. The night was a success! Off in the distance, if you listened closely, you could hear the (24) ADJECTIVE voice of an expelled Houseguest shouting (25) CHIMA-ISM, you motherfuckers!

The End






Super special thanks goes out to PrettyPlainJo! She helped me the whole way through with planning this little contest and I'm deeply indebted to her. Please check out her blog and show her some love over at Pretty Plain Jo: The Blog.




30 comments:

  1. LOL well I had a hard time with this and my answers aren't the greatest but I just had to try it for a Mr. O'Shaugnessy mug seeing as I love this blog to death (hence sharing it with my fellow baby makers) My husband judged me a little I think over this *snickers* Well here goes.

    1. Grey Goose
    2. nectarines
    3. tea-cup chiuaua
    4. Jessie's face
    5. "Welcome to the gun show"
    6. looks of death
    7. face
    8. teasing
    9. cock
    10. Is this a peach or a nectarine?
    11. What a yo yo.
    12. smutty
    13. Grey Goose bottle
    14. euphoric
    15. Eminem
    16. penis sizes
    17. fake boobs
    18. pecs
    19. bulbous ass
    20. cashmere scarf
    21. amethyst
    22. rhinestones
    23. anal beads
    24. strident
    25. DEUCES!

    ReplyDelete
  2. 1. Wine
    2. Nectarines
    3. Whip
    4. "Mr" Jessie
    5. "Love Me! ....I DO!!"
    6. Pitchforks
    7. Skanky Crotch
    8. Kissing
    9. Pimply Ass
    10. Eating a Nectarine, or is it a peach?"
    11. You GOT GOT, Bro!!
    12. Backless
    13. Butt Plug
    14. Orgasmic
    15. The Banana Men
    16. Their bananas
    17. New Fake TaTas
    18. Little Beaner weiner
    19. Joystick
    20. Fabulous Scarf
    21. Pink
    22. Rainbow Stripes
    23. Dirty and Crazy
    24. the High Pitched Shreiking
    25. "You're ALL terrorists, you motherfuckers!!"

    ReplyDelete
  3. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

    ReplyDelete
  4. 1 breast milk
    2 kumquats
    3 stuffed squirrel
    4 Jessie's mole on his ass
    5 I cry when I see ugly people
    6 boogies
    7 head
    8 eating
    9 knee
    10 peactarines
    11 Dude I'll slice your throat YOU don't know me
    12 bumble bee yellow
    13 hamster
    14 titillated
    15 Boy George
    16 fedoras
    17 inflated tatas
    18 boyhood
    19 left foot
    20 pashima
    21 ice blue
    22 sparkles
    23 enrique CD's
    24 desperate
    25 I am a strong black woman

    donna6167

    ReplyDelete
  5. 1. Peach nectar
    2. Cream cheese and cocktail weiners
    3. Bejeweled crop
    4. The Twin Towers
    5. "If the tent is a-rockin', don't come a-knockin'!"
    6. Anger bags
    7. Newly minted ginormous candy ass
    8. Motor boating
    9. Penis
    10.My new BFF!
    11.Meeting Mrs. Roper!
    12.Bright orange
    13.Traffic cone
    14.Exorcised
    15.Technotronics
    16.Speeches
    17.Plastic
    18.Leather pants-wearing-ass
    19.Light saber
    20.Hoodie
    21.Bright gold
    22.Jesse jisms
    23.Miami cabana boys
    24.Ball gagged muffled
    25."CBS can kiss my Vaselined Black Ass"

    ReplyDelete
  6. By far the hardest part of this was deciding which line to use for Jordan,
    she just left us with so many damn good choices it was incredibly hard to decide.
    Other than that it was choosing how to handle Kevin,
    I just love him so very much I couldn't bring myself to rip on him.
    He is so fabulous that he really left very little room to make fun of him anyway.
    As a very funny lady once said "Please to enjoy"

    1. Chima repellent
    2. chaoserolle
    3. life size cardboard cut out of Jeff
    4. Captain Unitard
    5. I have a huge head...sorry ladies not that one
    6. sandwiches
    7. foaming mouth
    8. teasing
    9. cock (I know 8&9 were obvious but how can you resist right?)
    10. "them peach flavored nectarines y'all"
    11. "defintely not when I got got bro." followed by his neanderthal laugh
    12. waterproof pleather dominatrix
    13. chia Obama
    14. confused as usual
    15. Casey's remix of Elton John's Rocket Man called Banana Man
    16. stories of all the times they got beat up as kids
    17. low IQ
    18. dandruff
    19. whiteness
    20. Italian silk scarf
    21. magenta
    22. Swarovski crystals
    23. mole removal surgeries for Enrique Iglesias
    24. migraine inducing
    25. Allison Grodner is a misogonist

    Kristin Barnes
    kdb112@hotmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  7. 1. man-juice
    2. condoms
    3. mangled head of Chima
    4. jessie's penis (x-small)
    5. Kevin and Ross Mathews can fight over me!
    6. snot rockets
    7. corn cob up her ass
    8. looking for
    9. balls
    10. the slippernyess of the peaches
    11. It's over
    12. Prada
    13. Jeff's houseguest key
    14. minimal
    15. Limp Bizkit
    16. cock rings
    17. horse mouth
    18. money maker
    19. Ego
    20. phsycodelic hoodie
    21. Green, color of money honey
    22. gold coins
    23. headshots
    24. obnoxious squeal
    25. ohhh, Heeelllll no!

    ReplyDelete
  8. 1. Haterade.
    2. Tuna.
    3. A glossy 8X10 of Jeff.
    4. Jessie's johnson.
    5. I know... I thought I was gay, too.
    6. sperm samples.
    7. ratty head.
    8. picking.
    9. nose.
    10. I lost. (But the food was great, ya'll.)
    11. It hurts. (Fuck yeah, Jordough.)
    12. Straight jacket.
    13. AG's glossy 8X10 of Jeff.
    14. Coocoo for Cocoa Puffs.
    15. Vanilla Ice.
    16. Number of FaceBook friends.
    17. Weird looking fake boobs.
    18. The hamsters he brought along in his pocket.
    19. Rat tail.
    20. Scarf.
    21. Rainbow.
    22. The keys of his fallen victims.
    23. Japanese hoodies.
    24. hyena-like
    25. I QUIT! (and then she laughed at her own joke)

    ReplyDelete
  9. 1.lube 2.a dildo carved out of cheddar cheese
    3.a torn out track of chimas weave 4.electro-shock paddles 5.I know what boys like...boys like me 6.cum shots 7.asshole 8.eating 9.toe jam 10. bein' all gucci 11. gettin got while stabbing someone in the neck 12.vanilla ice 13.pubic hair 14.tits 15. ball sacks 19. boner 20. hoddie a scarf 21.aqua 22.blood 23.lube and rope 24.melancholy 25.you're all terrorist

    ReplyDelete
  10. 1. Acid
    2. Sushi
    3. Sword
    4. Jesse's schlong
    5. "This is How I Roll" (picture of 3 barrels rolling down a hill)
    6. Side eye
    7. Neck
    8. Sucking
    9. Fingers
    10. "Don't you just love cookie dough?"
    11. "That's why I like Jordan. She's a good person. Not a douche like Russell. He got got."
    12. Dorky
    13. Memory Card
    14. Ignited
    15. "Gangsta's Paradise" - Coolio
    16. quote-on-quote characters
    17. Hips
    18. Shoulders
    19. Suspenders
    20. Layers of scarves
    21. Purple
    22. Fringes
    23. Nerd Glasses
    24. Crazed
    25. "I'm was too diva for this!"

    ReplyDelete
  11. 1.Red dye #2
    2.chitlins
    3.jar of Natalie's toenails
    4.Jessie riding DaeYumYum
    5."The Escape Goat"
    6.churros
    7.labia
    8.licking
    9.armpit
    10."Y'all, I think my boob just popped!"
    11."Fuck you, you fat fucking fucker!"
    12.see-through
    13.pepper mill
    14.nostalgic
    15.MC Hammer
    16.skid marks
    17.udders
    18.surfboard
    19.Princess Leia costume
    20.T-shirt
    21.turquoise
    22.Swarovski crystals
    23.french ticklers
    24.caterwauling

    blinkonetime@hotmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  12. 25."That was MY HoH"

    blinkonetime@hotmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  13. 1. Michelle's tears
    2. Jardianaire stuffed sausages
    3. A vibrator with Jeff's head drawn on the tip
    4. A "no entry"sign with LOL beneath it.
    5. "The man, The myth, The Massengill spokesman"
    6.Evil Myopic eyes
    7. Curly little tail
    8. scratching
    9. rectum
    10. The Gucci food
    11. All the massages I got got
    12. Vintage Norma Desmond
    13. Ice cube
    14. Bi-Polar (see what i did thar?)
    15. Bananaramma
    16. pick up lines
    17. Botoxed nipples
    18. gnarly nutsack
    19. Julie Chen autographed pocket protector
    20. lifejacket.
    21. pink/yellow plaid
    22. tiny little banners, that read: "Cum float with me!!"
    23. Ennema kits
    24. Hypocritical
    25. You're all racist, terrorist, masoganist, self absorbed, spoiled, shallow motha-fuka's. Deuces!!!...Glenda the good witch laugh mixed with cries of loneliness.

    ReplyDelete
  14. dragonmw40@hotmail.com

    sorry forgot to ID meself!

    ReplyDelete
  15. THE REUNION PARTY by itsmedave




    It was Friday night at the new hot club in downtown L.A. It was the night of the Big Brother 11 cast reunion party! There were bottles of Ragamuffin's goats blood and trays of cookie dough and chitlins ready to be enjoyed by all. The host for the evening was none other than Allison Grodner herself. She carried around one of Michelle's used butt plugs with her all night and looked very dignified.

    Lydia and Jessie arrived hand in hand and Lydia delighted in showing everyone her new tattoo of Jessie's miniscule pecker. Jessie wore pink muscle pants and a t-shirt that said "My 2 ho's outlasted me in the house and all I got was this lousy t-shirt...and a handjob from Russell". They kept their distance from Natalie because she was with her boyfriend who spent the evening shooting evil flying monkey's in Jessie’s direction. He also had a hand on the Ragamuffin’s vaginal horns and she found it very difficult to move freely.

    Jeff and Jordan, the couple everyone hotly anticipated, arrived late because Jordan was busy finger painting Jeff’s painfully swollen nutsack. They smiled sweetly for the cameras and when asked what their favorite part of being in Big Brother was, Jordan said, "What's a part?" giggled, farted, and shoved her head in Jeff armpit as he replied "showing America that I'm a positive thinker, not a yo-yo...now get away from me before I stab you in the neck."



    Michele was decked out in a diamond dildo studded dress and kept whispering for her husband to shove a production assistant up her ass. He was a little taken aback at her public request but obliged her and Michele felt there was still room for a couple more stagehands up her well oiled but stinky spincter.

    Russell and Casey, new besties, spent all of their time in the DJ booth playing Vanilla Ice and comparing their banana-peeling techniques.

    On the dance floor was where Laura and Braden shined. She swayed her silicon enhanced self esteem and he shook his homeless moneymaker. Ronnie tried to dance and join in the fun but his huge sagging pussy kept getting in the way.

    The winner, Kevin, made a grand entrance decked out in his best neon fringed assless chaps. It was rainbow colored and smattered with cum-stained hoodies. His boyfriend gazed upon him adoringly and thought about all the handsome muscular boytoys he could now buy with Kevin's prize money.

    The merriment lasted for hours and everyone had a blast. The night was a success! Off in the distance, if you listened closely, you could hear the sedated voice of an expelled Houseguest shouting (carefully edited out by Big Brother), you motherfuckers!

    The End

    ReplyDelete
  16. 1. Malt Liquor
    2. slop shaped like animals and crackers
    3. baby (possibly Julie’s)
    4. Jessie posing naked
    5. I’m with her (with a finger pointing to his left)
    6. spats of fire
    7. wind up dial sticking out of her back
    8. licking
    9. penis dipped in cookie dough and chocolate syrup
    10. they had the best nectarines or were they peaches?
    11. I really though I had them at techno-tronics
    12. that had a picture of Michelle giving Lala the death stare and the finger with a bubble that said F You Lala. On the back a picture of Mr. O'Shaugnessy being tortured by Michelle and her rats.
    13. pictures of the houseguests in the shower
    14. giddy
    15. vanilla ice
    16. manhood
    17. teeth
    18. sunkissed tresses
    19. over confidence
    20. hoodie
    21. Barney purple
    22. Julio Iglesias autograph
    23. sex toys and paraphernalia
    24. cackling
    25. I chose to leave the Big Brother house. I was not expelled!

    ReplyDelete
  17. 1. hot tub water
    2. slop-fried squid
    3.Jeff's dance w/me shirt
    4.Jessies "gunz"
    5. "Mr. Pectacular"
    6. Winks
    7.mouth
    8.rejecting
    9.behind
    10.'that's gucci"!
    11.I've got the coup-dee-what?
    12.Another ulgy
    13.Jeff
    14. Chima (yes,see Amazon)
    16.loss
    17.teeth
    18. eyebrow hairs
    19. light saber
    20. hoodie
    21. rainbow
    22. Natalies nail clippings
    23. shit
    24. screachy
    25. you took my HOH power!

    Susan in FL

    ReplyDelete
  18. THE REUNION PARTY

    It was Friday night at the new hot club in downtown L.A. It was the night of the Big Brother 11 cast reunion party! There were bottles of HOLY WATER and trays of CHEETOS ready to be enjoyed by all. The host for the evening was none other than Allison Grodner herself. She carried around a PLAY DOH LIKENESS OF JEFF with her all night and looked very dignified.

    Lydia and Jessie arrived hand in hand and Lydia delighted in showing everyone her new tattoo of ROSS MATHEWS. Jessie wore pink muscle pants and a t-shirt that said “ONCE I HAD A SECRET LOVE”. They kept their distance from Natalie because she was with her boyfriend who spent the evening shooting evil PUPPY DOG EYES in Jessie’s direction. He also had a hand on the Ragamuffin’s NOW EVIDENT LONG BARBED TAIL and she found it very difficult to move freely.

    Jeff and Jordan, the couple everyone hotly anticipated, arrived late because Jordan was busy BRAIDING Jeff’s HAIR. They smiled sweetly for the cameras and when asked what their favorite part of being in Big Brother was, Jordan said, LEARNING WHAT QUARTER PAST THE HOUR MEANS and Jeff replied MAKING SNACKEROOS.


    Michele was decked out in a PURPLE HOODIE dress and kept whispering for her husband to shove a BOTTLE OF TAP WATER up her ass. He was a little taken aback at her public request but obliged her and Michele felt THE VOICES COME ALIVE.

    Russell and Casey, new besties, spent all of their time in the DJ booth playing KC AND THE SUNSHINE BAND and comparing their EYEBROWS.

    On the dance floor was where Laura and Braden shined. She swayed her RECENTLY REMOVED IMPLANTS and he shook his KNAPSACK FULL OF “BORROWED” AUTRALIAN SOUVENIRS. Ronnie tried to dance and join in the fun but his TEARS kept getting in the way.

    The winner, Kevin, made a grand entrance decked out in his best FRINGED SCARF. It was AUBERGINE and smattered with GOLD SEQUINS. His boyfriend gazed upon him adoringly and thought about all the PLASTIC SURGERY he could now buy with the prize money.

    The merriment lasted for hours and everyone had a blast. The night was a success! Off in the distance, if you listened closely, you could hear the SHRILL voice of an expelled Houseguest shouting, I STILL WANNA KNOW WHO ATE MY CHEETOS, you motherfuckers!

    The End

    ReplyDelete
  19. 1) Absinthe
    2) Slop Cookies
    3) a voodoo doll in the likeness of Chima
    4) Mr. O'Shaughnessey reposed in a cloverfield, naked but for his tophat and smoking his little opium pipe
    5) "I'm with Sexy" (with an arrow pointing up at himself)
    6) spitballs
    7) Devil Horns
    8) writing the names of their unborn children
    9) back
    10) "cookie dough!"
    11) "DUDE, when I won HOH and production smuggled me in those He-Man figurines to play with. DUDE that so fucking AWESOME! Thank you Big Brother!."
    12) white taffeta
    13) badminton raquet
    14) a wave of exhileration, a surge of pride, and not an ounce of embarassment
    15) Run D.M.C.
    16) lists of previous occupations
    17) hips
    18) nipples
    19) fat wife
    20) what else?... SCARF
    21) porphyry
    22) gold dust
    23) Latin pop albums
    24) shrill wailing
    25) "I'll get all you racist, misogynist, terrorist motherfuckers; my army of angry black lesbian millitants will bomb all y'all's houses! DUECES, you motherfuckers!"

    -Vito in Calgary

    ReplyDelete
  20. 1. Mike's Hard Lemonade filled with Natalie's shower water
    2. Squid Chips and Slop Crackers
    3. Pimp cup overflowing with money
    4. Jessie bitch-slapping Natalie
    5. I shaved my balls for this?
    6. Subliminal panicked pleas for help
    7. Penis (what else?)
    8. Trying to fight off
    9. Raging hard on
    10. "My boobs feel weird!"
    11. "Take it easy, Mrs. Roper."
    12. Tin Foil
    13. King-size Snickers bar that Jeff took a bite out of
    14. Like a little girl again
    15. Rage Against the Machine
    16. 16 different careers
    17. Newly Invis-aligned teeth
    18. Head, trying to figure out where he knew these people from
    19. Wife
    20. Striped t-shirt with no arm-holes
    21. Yellow and turquoise
    22. Natalie's funk that still hasn't washed out from the last time she wore it
    23. Haircuts for Kevin
    24. Attention seeking, nails-on-a-chalkboard
    25. "You guys can suck a dick!"

    ReplyDelete
  21. 1. Leftover chocolate rain that Allison Grodner had delighted in helping "Jeffy-spew" squeeze out of Jordan's "braw".

    2. Squid and chitlin sushi.

    3. Glittered and bejeweled cattle prod. (just in case Chia-ma snook in)

    4. Gnat's jism tie-dyed sweatshirt.

    5."Why the f*&k didn't EVERYBODY cry?"

    6. Voodoo painted toenails

    7. Cootchie (trying to find a tampon she lost) That Ginormous one that made her walk like a pregnant duck)

    8. french-kissing

    9. arse (Michelle had set up a free tutorial booth in the parking garage)

    10. Gucci quifs

    11. Cootie taw or sniffin' Jordo's braw

    12. Yellow rubber

    13. another fist

    14. the faintest tickle in her no-no

    15. New Kids on The Block

    16. Gangsta poses

    17. Beachball sized boobs

    18. Groove thang

    19. Giant Mensa member gold chain

    20. Designer Hoodie

    21. Gold Lame'

    22. Rubies, Pearls and Diamonds (from the bottom of Pandora's Box) Ha Ha Ya BITCHES!

    23. Electrolysis and anal waxes

    24. Russell is still LUSTING for me!

    Beyotchykeen

    ReplyDelete
  22. Can not believe I forked that up. Who can concentrate after seeing that hot leprachaun ass. All I can think about now is "Smacking It". 24. shoulda been "Ear drum splttin, sireeeeeen-like, just a damn miniscule notch above only dogs can hear" and 25. shoulda been. You mutha fuckers know Russell is still mother fucking lusting after my mother fucking ass.

    ReplyDelete
  23. 1. Mike’s Hard Lemonade
    2. Cookie dough
    3. Picture of Jeff
    4. Jessie posing
    5. “I heart Jessie”
    6. Death rays
    7. Bubble butt
    8. Rubbing Jeff’s
    9. ego…I mean back
    10. Jeff
    11. Jowwwdan, don’t stop rubbing!
    12. “I love Jeff”
    13. Cheese grater
    14. Complete
    15. The Ramones
    16. Hipness
    17. Double EEs
    18. Implanted dread locks
    19. Cockiness
    20. Hoodie
    21. Purple
    22. Rainbow colors
    23. Friends
    24. Shrill
    25. You are all terrorists

    Missi

    ReplyDelete
  24. 1. Mad Dog 20/20
    2. Spam
    3. POV Necklace
    4. Air
    5. I have opinions of my own-strong opinions-but I don't always agree with them. -George Bush
    6. Dingleberries
    7. Nipple
    8. Smelling
    9. Taint
    10. "Eating cookie dough"
    11. "Watching Jordan eat cookie dough"
    12. Cum stained
    13. Peanut
    14. Blessed
    15. K C & The Sunshine Band
    16. Ears
    17. Monkey
    18. Lizard
    19. Bible
    20. Unitard
    21. Peach
    21. Body fluids
    22. Lube
    23. Cuntish
    24. "I don't play this shit in real life"

    RC

    ReplyDelete
  25. 1- Raid
    2- Chocolate dipped water bugs
    3- Vibrator
    4- A sphincter
    5- "No butts about it, I kiss my own ass"
    6- Douche bottle eyes
    7- Tongue
    8- Shaving
    9- Chest
    10- "Like figuring out how to tell time"
    11- "Getting married to Jordough"
    12- See-through
    13- Candlestick
    14- Remorse
    15- Vanilla Ice
    16- Long second toes
    17- Horse muzzle
    18- Bag of oats
    19- Man boobs
    20- Hoodie
    21- Neon pink
    22- Sequins
    23- Miami Sound Machine CDs
    24- Screechy
    25- Double dueces

    ReplyDelete
  26. 1. wisky
    2. oxycontin
    3. tape recorder
    4. jessie's tiny testicles
    5. "I don't eat for taste, I eat for function"
    6. hardons
    7. losely fitted shorts
    8. shaving
    9. armpits
    10. the food
    11. that night jordo discovered quiffing
    12. trojan sponsored latex
    13. the sterile urine container from her last physical
    14. nostalgic
    15. sir mix alot
    16. medicine cabinet
    17. mane
    18. legs
    19. world of warcraft strategy guide
    20. designer tshirt
    21. turquoise
    22. a variety of pastels
    23. mr. o'shaugnessy mugs
    24. melodramatic
    25. a strong woman made it to the end, deuces

    ReplyDelete
  27. Three Little MMMonkeysSeptember 3, 2009 at 11:18 AM

    THE REUNION PARTY


    It was Friday night at the new hot club in downtown L.A. It was the night of the Big Brother 11 cast reunion party! There were bottles of (1)Axe Body Spray and trays of (2)Red Vines, slop chips and cookie dough ready to be enjoyed by all. The host for the evening was none other than Allison Grodner herself. She carried around a (3) CUT TO FISH button with her all night and looked very dignified.

    Lydia and Jessie arrived hand in hand and Lydia delighted in showing everyone her new tattoo of (4)her two fingers wrapped around a "top 10 famous celebrity"'s cock. Jessie wore pink muscle pants and a t-shirt that said (5)"I'm not gay...ask my boyfriend". They kept their distance from Natalie because she was with her boyfriend who spent the evening shooting evil (6)Muscle Milk in Jessie’s direction. He also had a hand on the Ragamuffin’s (7) tampon to help hold it in and she found it very difficult to move freely.

    Jeff and Jordan, the couple everyone hotly anticipated, arrived late because Jordan was busy (8)trimming Jeff’s (9)armpit hair. They smiled sweetly for the cameras and when asked what their favorite part of being in Big Brother was, Jordan said, (10)"Saint Mary!" and Jeff replied (11)"Anybody want a Gotti Ssssandwich?"



    Michele was decked out in a (12) greasy, rat-gnawed dress and kept whispering for her husband to shove a (13) slop enema up her ass. He was a little taken aback at her public request but obliged her and Michele felt (14) relieved that she was going to keep losing weight.

    Russell and Casey, new besties, spent all of their time in the DJ booth playing (15) Barenaked Ladies's "If I Had a Million Dollars" and comparing their (16)banana sizes.

    On the dance floor was where Laura and Braden shined. She swayed her (17)giant fake teeth and breasts and he shook his (18)empty change can. Ronnie tried to dance and join in the fun but his (19)ninja-like skills kept getting in the way.

    The winner, Kevin, made a grand entrance decked out in his best (20)rainbow hoodie. It was (21)metallic gold and smattered with (22) tubes of rash medicine. His boyfriend gazed upon him adoringly and thought about all the (23)Enrique Iglesias cds he could now buy with the prize money.

    The merriment lasted for hours and everyone had a blast. The night was a success! Off in the distance, if you listened closely, you could hear the (24)Ativan slurred voice of an expelled Houseguest shouting (25)I ain't doing shit 'cause I'm a strong, powerful woman, you motherfuckers!

    The End

    ReplyDelete
  28. 1. Pennicillin

    2. cookie dough

    3. wireless vibrator remote

    4. jessie's workout routine

    5. Don't be sexist...bitches hate that

    6. voodoo shrinking curses

    7. matted ponytail

    8. fingering

    9. belly button

    10. getting to see a foreign country as pretty as california

    11. wizards powers and getting to help Jordan, who needs to shut the fuck up when she is told to shut the fuck up, make it farther in the game

    12. semen print

    13. mensa plaque

    14. ecstacy

    15. bryan austin green

    16. third nipples

    17. teeth

    18. hair foils

    19. light saber

    20. pashmina

    21. turquoise

    22. bedazzler gems

    23. handbags and politicians

    24. caustic

    25. I quit because russel is a terrorist and the producers are racist and women should team up together and I am the head bitch in charge
    and you took my power and I like breaking shit and, don't forget, I QUIT

    ReplyDelete
  29. 1. Dom
    2. Angels on Horseback
    3. Caduceus
    4. John Lennon's right shoe
    5. Huntington Beach Cock Push-Up Champ 2009
    6. Fuh-Q Blasts
    7. Hole inside her lifeless chest cavity
    8. Waxing
    9. Back
    10. The food!
    11. Getting Got Got & America still lovin' me!
    12. Backless
    13. Baby Corn
    14. Gravitas
    15. Earth, Wind & Fire
    16. Disco moves
    17. Painted-on Prada
    18. Birkenstocks
    19. Succubus wife
    20. Donna Jacket
    21. Snow white
    22. Rainbow hues
    23. Waxings
    24. Maniacal
    25. Game Ain't Over

    ReplyDelete
  30. 1. the blood of the innocent
    2. pure Colombian yayo
    3. "Producing A Reality Show For Dummies" book
    4. a life-size picture of herself
    5. "I Look Up To Julie Chen...literally"
    6. jizz
    7. penis
    8. finger-banging
    9. balloon knot
    10. "Stickin' with my strategery and not worryin' 'bout having revengeance for people that got me flustrated."
    11. "All the fucking fucked up shit that fucking went the fuck on in that fucking house. Fuck. Ya fuckin' know? Did I mention fuck?"
    12. second-hand
    13. rat catheter
    14. the rat inside there relieve himself
    15. Raffi
    16. "banana phones"
    17. bit and bridle
    18. bag of clothes he never unpacked
    19. surprisingly gigantic nerd-cock
    20. pair of buttless chaps
    21. colored like the Mexican flag
    22. anal leakage
    23. Vaseline
    24. Jackee Harry-esque
    25. The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of the darkness. For he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers! And you will know I am the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon you!

    The name is Loftis.

    ReplyDelete