Thursday, July 5, 2012
Danielle: Upward Infection?
(I tried to get a photo of her smiling, but this bitch talks incessantly and with her eyes closed. This was the best I could do.)
Next up is a 23 year old nurse from Tuscaloosa, Alabama named Danielle Murphree. Danielle describes herself as "loving, outgoing and passionate." If she's not dancing fancy free and footloose to her favorite Taylor Swift tune, then she's fiercely scrapbooking. Glue stick in hand she prints photo after photo of Jordan off of the computer. Then gingerly, with sticky fingers, she places them lovingly onto chintz patterned card stock because Jordan is her all time favorite Houseguest ever! *bites lip with fangs* She finishes her creation with puffy stickers and childlike scrawl that reads SUTHERN GIRLZ 4 LIFE! Simply precious. Wide eyed, bubblegum, pigtails precious. *Click Click* Oh good, my rifle still works. Just checking.
Danielle is terrified of two things: snakes and not finding her one true love. Many a full mooned night she can be found staring up into the night sky, chin in hands, sighing. Just sighing. Will I ever find him? she wonders. I know! I'll call up Ashley and see if she has a Prince Charming dream board I can borrow for my scrapbook!
Alright, let's see if she's as awful as I imagine. Please to enjoy:
She does that thing? That going up at the end of sentences and making statements a question, thing? It makes my blood boil? If a mountain lion wandered onto the CBS lot and ate her question marks and her face, I'd be happy? If that council in England that decides all of the grammar laws of the land suddenly up and outlawed question marks, I wouldn't complain? Who needs question marks anyway? Do you? I could totally give them up and not look back? Just as soon as I stop watching this video? Because, you know, I'm kind of on a roll right now? And in the interest of continuity I can't quite stop yet? Until this paragraph is done? Like, right now?
*sigh* Exhausting. Simply exhausting.
*pushes play again*
She's poised and doesn't stare at the light bulbs or the carpet fibers with wide eyed excitement like Ashley does, but I read that thing about Jordan and I just can't shake it. You know me, unlike Teresa Giudice, I'm a grudge holder. I hold on like a starving tick and won't fall off until you burn my head with a match. I can definitely appreciate her dislike of Rachel, but I get the impression that she might be all talk and no action. Some of what she's saying sounds decent, but a lot of it is contradictory.
She says she won't play too hard too fast, but wouldn't that be a pisser if she did? What do you guys think of Danielle? Does the question asking thing make you claw at your arms and legs like it does me?