Thursday, July 5, 2012

Shane: Bloody Balls

We're pulling into the final stretch bitches! Looking back over what we have so far, I'm worried. I'm really freaking worried. For the most part, this is a vanilla cast with lackluster first impressions. Can Shane be the answer to our prayers? Let's see.

Shane Meaney (that last name is SO promising) is a 26 year old House Flipper from Bennington, Vermont. He has ridiculous hair, but I'm so desperate for someone juicy that I'll overlook it. Shane describes himself as passionate and funny. He enjoys hitting golf balls off of his deck and of course I have to ask: Golf balls filled with blood? Little Satanic orbs of evil hurling into his neighbors windows? Right? RIGHT?!

It says here that Shane wants to make friends and have fun. Make devil friends and have ritual sacrifice fun? Neighborhood ruffian friends and have flasher in the park trenchcoat fun? Gang criminal friends and have drive by fun? What the hell kind of friends and fun is he talking about here because he's really bursting my bubble right about now.

Maybe he's better in person. Please to enjoy:

Did any of you see Magic Mike - (GO SEE IT)? Shane reminds me of Mike with all of his weirdo entrepreneur schemes. Listen up people, just because you have like 50 different jobs it doesn't make you an entrepreneur. It makes you someone who can't work for the Man so you invent a bunch of different titles to make yourself sound cooler than "self employed". Nothing wrong with that. I'm not hating. For example, Mike was incredibly charming - especially when he was humping the floor and smooshing his junk in girls' faces, but I digress.

I'm having a hard time taking Mr. Vermont seriously with his arm slung across the couch like that. He's a little too nonchalant for my taste. A little scattered. Eyes flitting around the room and whatnot. I hope he packed his Adderall.

BZZZZ! Gank! Scrod! Did he just say "I want the girls of America to want to be with me and the guys to want to be me"? Oh hell no. *stamps DOUCHE on Shane's stupid hair* Sorry Shane. You would have been so much cooler if you were a Satanic gang member who played golf with bloody balls. You're such a disappointment!

What do you guys think of Shane? Wouldn't he have been so much more appealing if cooking meth was at least one of his many jobs?

Watch Big Brother 14 on SuperPass!


  1. Oh HELL NO! The second he said "Cosmopolitan" and "Mr. Vermont" I turned it off. He's cheesy with his arm draped across the couch. I'll bet he shoots air pistols at you while winking! This guy is sooooooo "I'm the guy" with his douche hair-do and his douche "Great question, man" to the interviewer. Poor Ian will take one look at this joker and follow him anywhere.


  2. Shane is proof that BB Casting is full of shit when they say they don't look to fill specific "types" each year. Shane is the current year's model of Jeff. And we are going to hate his self-confident, laid back face to death!

  3. Like I said before,what a douche ball!

  4. I couldn't even finish watching. Blech!

  5. So. fucking. annoying.

    that is all.

  6. Girl check your douchemeter. I got the douche warning 20 seconds in. I bet Rachel (*vomits-in-mouth*) totally falls for him.

  7. WOW, a degree in personal training, a fucking degree people. Color me impressed. Like Rachel the genius, he calls Brendon Brennan! Oh I smell winner (of a hot dog eating contest).

  8. Shouldn't this guy be on The Bachelor instead? What a tool.

    That being said, younger people tend to stick together and he could align with a couple other guys or the dumb chicks. His type of personality seems to be a natural leader (even if its bullshit) and people may follow him.

    So basically Jessie without the muscles.

  9. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. It's not just a game, Shane Meaney, it's my summer vacation. You shut up.

    For me, it's not his ridiculous hair, his mentions of Cosmo, or golf, or the cliches he spews. It's his "pooka shell" necklace that sends me over the edge. Ma-halo, bra. I don't know if I have the vocabulary to describe the extremity of douche-ness that is Shane Meaney, self-described "Nice Guy." Who is he trying to convince? ("Good question, man!")

    Fuck you, Shane.

    -- Leigh