Thursday, July 5, 2012

JoJo: Glitter Sparkling

Next up is JoJo Spatafaora, a 26 year old Promotional Model from Staten Island, NY. She describes herself as "sparkling" and I am instantly intrigued. Is she effervescent sparkling or glitter sparkling? There's a major difference in case you didn't know. Effervescent sparkling is bubbly like Pelligrino and glitter sparkling is glow in the dark tits out while lying on a chaise velvet lounge with fringe smoking a pink cigarette and stirring your bathtub lazily with a riding crop. Oh please let her be glitter sparkling!

On her questionnaire she refuses to answer the question asking for her strategy. Questionnaires are notorious shit talkers and you never know who'll they'll gab to next. A girl after my own heart! Hang on, it gets better. She hates the red-headed chick because she thinks too highly of herself and demands that the questionnaire let her know if the chick's name was Rachel or not. Seriously, this questionnaire never hurt anyone and it's getting the shit beaten out of it. It's sort of fabulous.

Moving on, we discover that JoJo is also scared of snakes. Since I'm sure every executive at CBS is reading this - MAKE MY SNAKE CHALLENGE HAPPEN! The short survey ends with JoJo getting angry at the questionnaire for asking her what she would take into the house. A toothbrush so she could brush her teeth - duh! God, questionnaires are so stupid sometimes. Assholes.

I am dying to see this video. Please to enjoy:

Flippant and whatever. Lazy hooded eyes and shoulders that could spear a fish. 40 seconds in and I love this chick. She's like, "Why you asking me this stuff Matt? Are you in cahoots with the questionnaire? Let's bounce and go get a cappuccino. Do you mind if I lay down while you keep asking me your silly questions? Can we do this in Italian instead? Alright fine, I'll make out with you, but I'll need to chain you up first. Shut up! Stop squirming." Matt doesn't stand a chance.

"Integrity? Oh shut up!" Excuse me, I'll be right back.

*pads naked to the refrigerator and retrieves 2 giant bowls of purple glitter*

"Can I curse? Can I call this girl a bitch?"

*dunks left breast*

"I'd wear the unitard. Red is so my color!"

*dunks right breast*

This chick is definitely glitter sparkling. I'm going to need her to team up with Jenn and just tear through the house like a roller derby tag team. You have no idea how relieved I am right now. This cast was looking bleak (save Joe of course), but JoJo is carnivorous. She's a little spitfire. What do you guys think? Can you roll with JoJo or does she scare your tender little feelings?

Watch Big Brother 14 on SuperPass!


  1. I wanted to hate her. I reeeeallly did. I just assumed they were capitalizing on Jersey Shore's current popularity and I was afraid I would have had to lacerate myself while watching her binge drink.

    But, I think she's going to make the show interesting. She might be an actual FUN Shit Show to watch. Also, I like my girls with fight in them.

  2. I think she'll be fun to watch. I don't know how glittery she is. She might be a small glitter. The kind of glitter you use in grade school that you have to shake out like a salt shaker? I think she's that kind of glittery.

    I also picked up a 'crazy' vibe from her. I hope so!


  3. I. Love. Her.

  4. Oh good a chick that isn't from some fly-over state!She's the hottest chick in the house trashy way. I can't stand lip studs! But I'll be willing to overlook that.

  5. I do like her, but the incessant hair touching!


  6. I'm not sure. The hair touching was annoying. I'll definitely give her a chance.

  7. I changed my mind. I want Rachel in the house. This girl would eat her for breakfast and make her cry. Mwah ha ha ha!!!

    "Oh your integrity... oh shut up." LMAO! She'll give good diary. I'm gonna love her.

  8. I like her, but I think she's a dope and her mouth is going to get her in trouble early.

    Who knows, maybe my impression is wrong and she's a really good people person.

    I'll have to wait and see which of the hot chicks (Ashely, Danielle, Jojo, Kara) clash with each other. You know there will eventually be jealousy and they won't all get along.

  9. get her teeth fixed.

  10. Please use the money if you were to win to get an education.

  11. Please let her and Jenn either team up or clash like pissed off, wet alley cats.

    I think her mouth will get her in trouble, too. But I love that she recognizes there is NO "real world" INTEGRITY on BB.

    Leo - Alabama is not a fly-over state. There is absolutely NO reason to fly over Alabama.