Star-Crossed Gropers

The timeless tale of tragic love. Lovers meet under unusual circumstances only to be torn apart by a motormouth prancersizer. Their time running out like sands through the hourglass brings them all the more close together. Legs intertwined, ringworm spreading, kisses stolen poolside, that familiar burn when you pee... ah, romance! And as with all great romantic stories, our hero must either die like Jack did in Titanic or be sent home in shame with only a rash to remind him of all he has lost. Let's recap, shall we?

We'll begin our day with the POV Ceremony. POV winner, Eyebrows (Kaitlin), has decided to use the POV on herself which, unfortunately, means her bohunk boyfriend Asshat (Jeremy) is now on the block. This was HOH Helen's diabolical plan this whole time - to backdoor Asshat. After the ceremony we find the two lovers in a warm embrace. Eyebrows has plastered blood red kisses on his face - See that Jessie? He's hers, not yours! - as the two coo and sigh. Asshat tells her that this is the end of his Big Brother season... THIS season. Eyebrows gazes up at Asshat and says, "You'll try out again next season!" Asshat shakes his head, "If they want me, they'll call me and ask me." 

Here's the thing, Asshat is a douche canoe. We all know this, BUT I am not ready for him to leave yet. He is a large arrogant personality who can be trusted to bicker with someone at least once a day and I would hate to lose that so early in the game. If I had it my way, I'd like Spencer to go this week. Yes, that means Aryan can stick around to. You know how I love myself some drama. I can't have all the shit stirring people going home before Jury!

Downstairs in the Storage Room we find Elvira (Elissa) and Amanda having a quick meeting. Amanda says it is annoying how Helen keeps offering protection to people. She made a deal with Eyebrows and now that she's removed herself from the block, the others aren't allowed to go after her next week. Elvira nods and agrees, "We can't keep promising everyone protection." Amanda tells Elvira that Helen is making Elvira do her bidding. Elvira insists that Helen isn't. She has no intention of continuing to be the middle man as the game goes on. 

Up in the HOH we find VaGina (GinaMarie) and Candice. Take a wild guess what they're talking about. Yup, Nick! Again! Candice is trying to explain to VaGina how The Moving Company fell apart. VaGina listens and shakes her head to herself. Lately, she's been getting the impression from Aryan that she either never liked Nick or has something to tell her about Nick. Uh yeah. Aryan really wants to tell you how you're being completely psychotic about a guy who never liked you. VaGina then starts quoting Roxette... it must have been love, but it's over now. 

Out in the backyard, Asshat and Amanda are talking about the whole racism fight the other night. Asshat firmly believes that it was all blown out of proportion. Amanda says that she was really snippy that day and was getting sick and tired of people picking on Jessie. She says that she wasn't even the first person to bring up the racism stuff (she's referring to the DR). Asshat shrugs his shoulders, "Who knows how people are being portrayed?" Amanda replies, "I know." Asshat laughs at her assuredness. Amanda says they ask her about the racism stuff all the time in the DR. Big Brother then comes on the loud speaker, "Amanda, you are not allowed to talk about your Diary Room sessions." Andy then interrupts and says that Amanda is really bad about talking about production. She asks, "Am I?" Andy says yes and that he is too. He says he's waiting for the day when they both get penalty nominations. 

A little later on we find Asshat in the pool. Candice is lying nearby with Amanda and Aryan reclining on the opposite end. The discussion turns to the votes for Bouffant (David). Asshat insists that he voted for Bouffant to stay (he did), but Candice doesn't believe him. Asshat again says he voted for Bouffant and Candice will be embarrassed when she finally sees the tapes. He'll be waiting for her phone call where she apologizes to him. He then accuses Candice of calling out Amanda and McCrae (I have no idea where this came from). Candice leaps up off the side of the pool and straight into the water. She screams at Asshat, "Don't you lie on me! Don't you lie on me!" She then swims over to Aryan and says that it was Nick she was calling out, not Amanda.

Candice finally steps out of the pool and lies back down in her spot. Asshat can't let the outburst go though. He is the one of those last word people... he always has to have it. Splashing in the water, Asshat begins to chuckle to himself. It's incredibly condescending and you just kind of want to hold his under the water until he's a bloated corpse. Asshat continues to laugh and says he can't believe how upset Candice got. Candice then the one thing she doesn't like is when people call her a liar. Asshat snaps, "You're just mad cuz you got called out." Candice shoots up again, "CALLED OUT ON WHAT?!" Asshat continues to laugh at her. Candice tells him she is a loyal person and that no one was loyal to Asshat which is why he's going home. Asshat replies, "I'm going home because I'm a champ and you'll be going home next because you can't control your emotions." The scene ends with Asshat singing 'Cry Me A River'.

The camera switches to Aryan and Jessie, but we've missed the beginning of the conversation. All I'm able to catch is that they're talking about Eyebrows. Jessie is 100% sure if Eyebrows win the next HOH, she's going up on the block. 

The lazy afternoon continues which brings on the rumblings of a Nail Party. *sigh* Helen wants to have a Nail Party up in the HOH with all the girls. Nothing sounds like a more miserable idea than a party thrown by Helen. It wouldn't be a party, it would be a team building exercise with a Power Point presentation. Amanda, too, wants no part of the party. She's on slop and really doesn't want to watch a bunch of girls much on goodies. Personally, I skipped the party and got all caught up on The Killing. But this morning catching up on BBAD, I see that Asshat crashed the party.

Apparently, Asshat invited himself to the party and people were annoyed. By people, I mean Jessie. She hates breathing the same air Asshat does and she just wants to be left alone by him and his skanky girlfriend. Andy was also at the party because, well, he's Andy! He's everywhere. The discussion turned to first kisses and Jessie said that her first kiss was in a boy's bathroom. Andy shouted, "Ho!" and Eyebrows started laughing really loud. Well, this infuriates Jessie. She storms out of the nail party and outside where Amanda and McCrae are lying on the hammock withering away from hunger. 

Jessie puts her hands on her hips and tells them she is so sick of Eyebrows being mean to her. I don't know if Eyebrows' laugh was full of shrapnel or what, but Jessie is super pissed off about it. She jumps from person to person telling them that Eyebrows laughed SO hard. Mind you, she's not mad at Andy for calling her a ho, she's mad at Eyebrows for bumping uglies with Asshat. Word eventually gets back to Eyebrows who thinks this is all so ridiculous. Andy suggests that Eyebrows apologize to Jessie. Instead Eyebrows bitches and moans to Asshat about how ridiculous Jessie is. Asshat tells Eyebrows that Jessie will always have a problem. Then he smiled to self and somewhere a puppy got run over by a truck.

So that's that! Do you think there is any way to save Asshat? Could the house flip at the last minute? Comment it out bitches and have a great day!