Paranoia Will Destroy Ya

"Panic is the sudden realization that everything around you in alive." - William S. Burroughs

I have to get keep this relatively brief today so let's simply cover the facts. Spencer has used the POV to remove himself from the block and Candice has gone up in his place. This means that Howard, Candice and Amanda are up for eviction. Howard is the target who should have gone home last week, but Production reached out, interfered and kept their favorite token (the one that gives a controversial season some sort of meaning) safe. If you'll recall, J-U-DD would frequently come out of the Diary Room mumbling things like, "Ahummina I don't think they want Howard to go on the block hummina." And so, long story short, a very boring and uneventful player is finally on the block where he belongs. He is the intended target for the week, but wait! Here comes Spencer...

Spencer, Howard's best good friend, believes he has devised a plan to save Howard and get rid of Amanda. Earlier, Spencer spoke with J-U-DD and Andy promising them a shiny new alliance with himself, Howard and Candice. Andy and J-U-DD wisely decided to let Spencer think he has the game by the balls. In actuality however, they ran back over to their side of the house and told everyone about how Spencer is doing anything he can to save Howard and get rid of Amanda. Naturally, this infuriated Amanda and paranoia began to set in.

After the POV Ceremony, Amanda became visibly upset and worried that someone in her own alliance could turn on her. Everyone, McCrae included, advised her to tone down her game for the week and stop playing so hard. Easier said than done. All Amanda does is strategize. She's good at it, she's convincing, she targets people targeting her and she has pretty much run the entire game since week 1. Obviously, this is threatening to others... namely, Spencer.

Speaking of Spencer, he feels like he has this week all locked up. After the POV Ceremony, he tells Howard that they have the votes to keep him in the game this week - J-U-DD, Andy, VaGina (GinaMarie) and Jessie. The plan is for J-U-DD to tell Jessie to switch her vote at the last minute on Thursday. Spencer will then pop up during the live show and make a speech to Aryan about how Amanda is running the game. Somehow, this is supposed to make Aryan break the tie in favor of Howard. Let's break this down, shall we?
A) The only vote Spencer might actually have to save Howard is VaGina.
B) Spencer isn't on the block anymore. There are no speeches to made by him during the live show!
C) Andy and J-U-DD are masterfully playing Spencer like a fiddle.

Andy, who I think is in a great position so far game wise, knows he needs to keep this Spencer ruse going all the way up to the live show. He quickly meets with Jessie and tells her everything about how Spencer is trying to flip the house, how Andy and J-U-DD are fake playing along and how J-U-DD is supposed to go to Jessie on Thursday and tell her to evict Amanda. Jessie listens to all of this and wonders why she's always out of the loop. Andy tells her that's the point! She's supposed to be out of the loop. But in the case that she actually hears something about Spencer's cockamamie new plan, Andy needs her to keep pretending she's out of the loop until Thursday. On Thursday, right before the live show, Andy will tell Spencer that they don't have the votes after all and it's probably best he just evicts Howard so he doesn't get a bigger target on his back next week. Hearing this, Jessie nods and agrees to play along. Andy believes that on Thursday the vote will be either 7-1 or 8-0 to evict Howard.

Up in the HOH, Amanda is frustrated because she thinks people are playing too far ahead. Instead of getting rid of targets people (HELEN, HELEN, HELEN) are obsessed with filling the Jury with potential votes. Amanda tells Helen and Aryan that they have an army. Evicting one of their troops now (like herself) will only dissolve the giant alliance they have and put the house into a tailspin. She says it is ridiculous for people to start planning for final two right now.

As far as MVP goes, Amanda is still certain that Howard was the one who nominated her. Between Helen spreading rumors about Howard being Danielle's (BB3) sister and others saying he was a well known football player, Amanda and others think Howard must have a large fan base. Aryan, on the other hand, thinks Candice could be MVP because she was on Oprah's network (OWN) and Oprah has the biggest following in the business. Aryan also worries that after Howard leaves, people in the house will side with Candice. Helen tells her that Candice is her friend, but she's the worst player in the house so there is no way in hell she plans on playing this game with her. Helen then advises Amanda to tone down her game this week. She says Amanda is a huge player and needs to lay low. Amanda nods and says she will - not bloody likely!

And then something magical happened. Elvira (Elissa), willingly and without force, went up to the HOH room to talk to Aryan. For the moment, the two can actually be in each other's company without Elvira snapping her neck open and releasing the demon that lives inside of her. The two sit pleasantly on the HOH bed as Aryan fills Elvira in to Spencer's plan and how Andy and J-U-DD are fake playing along. She also tells Elvira how Howard was acting ridiculous after the POV Ceremony and telling people that if Candice leaves the house, he'll self evict. Aryan says Howard is using reverse psychology on the house in order to save himself (not just save himself, but get rid of Candice!).

Elvira wonders aloud if Howard has the Comb d'pa. Aryan giggles and corrects her, "Coup d'etat!" I waited with bated breath for Elvira to shove Aryan's extensions up her nose, but nothing happened. Whew! Elvira must be back on her meds again. Aryan then tells Elvira that she is sure Elvira will win HOH next week (so am I!). Elvira replies, "Hnmm mnmm, I want to see my little boy, unh. He's such a treasure. He's like my biggest investment in life. I don't have a social life because of him, hnmmm mnmmm. The little bastard... I mean, treasure. He's my investment banking treasure, hnmm mnmm. I want to bite him and gnaw on his flesh." Aryan nods and says she hopes that Elvira gets to see her family because she feels the same way about her pets. Only, she actually has a social life. Again, I waited for Elvira to remove Aryan's tongue with some tweezers. She didn't! We're making progress, folks.

And then we had a little controversy. Or, at least, I did. On twitter. Aryan, J-U-DD. McCrae and Amanda are talking about Howard when Aryan says that Howard uses race as a reason to win the show. I agree with her. Now, before you jump on me and start calling me a racist yet again, allow me to explain myself. BEFORE THE SHOW BEGAN, let me say that again... BEFORE THE SHOW BEGAN, Howard talked incessantly in his pre-season interviews about wanting to be the first African American to win Big Brother. Every other word out of his mouth was either "God" or "African American". Listening to it, my Big Brother Gossip Show co-hosts and myself laughed and rolled our eyes thinking this guy was going to use the race card while he was in the house. In Howard's defense, he didn't use it too much in the beginning of the game. BUT, when all the race stuff was being spewed and the DR conversations were race, race, race, race, then, yes, race became a dominate force in the house. And how could it not?! For a solid week the Diary Room did nothing but asks the Houseguests about race. Obviously, Aryan got wind of it, became upset, and, I think since then, has successfully begun to censor herself from saying things that might be construed as racist.

And because I didn't disagree with Aryan or have no desire to attack her any longer and ruin her life, I was then called a racist. Someone even said that because of people like me, people die. *scratches head* So because I don't hate Aryan and don't want to go out of my way to destroy her any more than people already have, I suddenly hate black people and may or may not be a serial killer. How people like this tie their shoes in the morning is a mystery to me. But there you go. You can't reason with crazy so I'm not even going to try.

I will end today with a new sort of paranoia. It mumbles in the darkness and often makes no sense.... it's J-U-DD! Amanda, Helen and Aryan are all convinced that J-U-DD is a secret brainiac who could quite possibly be the next Dan Gheesling. You see, J-U-DD confessed to Amanda that he invented the lie that Eyebrows (Kaitlin) wanted Helen out of the game. It came to him while he was in his solitary confinement and actually played a role in Eyebrows' departure. The girls sit in a feverish tizzy talking about how J-U-DD could quite possibly be brilliant. Amanda begins to wonder if he's been MVP all along instead of Howard and Helen begins to rethink her plans of who she wants in the Jury. The paranoia rose to such a feverish pitch that J-U-DD could seriously be in danger sooner rather than later. That in itself isn't a big deal. What is a big deal is if J-U-DD catches wind of this speculation before Thursday. If he hears that the women in his alliance want him out of the game, he could very easily jump over to Spencer's side. The girls still have Andy so I don't think Spencer will ever get the votes he's after to evict Amanda, but it could definitely tip the scales a little next week and leave Jessie wondering where the hell to go.

So, does Spencer have a chance in hell to save Howard? Is VaGina lying to the girls or the boys? How long until Elvira's meds wear off and she remembers she's supposed to hate Aryan? Comment it out bitches and have a great day!

Thorny Balls

(What is wrong with this picture?)

A passing comment. A mumble on the wind. A teeny tiny little droplet of syllables. So seemingly harmless yet, over time, it can grow thorns. Razor sharp little daggers to pierce the soul and let all the happiness ooze out leaving a lifeless wet noodle in its wake. If you dwell on it, the burrs will multiply and stick clinging to your hair, your sweater vests, your comfy woolen socks... Best to shake off the ugly and smile a toothy grin. Best to pretend you never heard it at all. Best to hold your head high... and your middle finger higher. Let's recap, shall we?

The day began under a lazy haze. After an eventful POV Saturday night, the Houseguests happily slept away half of Sunday. Of course Helen has been up since the crack of dawn prancerizing hither and thither and being all around awful. J-U-DD and Elvira (Elissa) are somewhat early risers as well. And this is where we begin... outside listening to, "Hnmm mnmm ahummina hummina hnmm mnmm."

J-U-DD and Elvira are discussing who they'll be friends with after this season ends. J-U-DD tells Elvira that he thinks Aryan likes her now. Elvira replies, "Oh wow! I feel like the luckiest girl in the world now! Hnmm mnmm." And then she rolled her eyes and launched into another one of her 18 hour long rants about how she would never associate with someone who says derogatory remarks... "I'd never be friends with someone like that, hnmm mnmm. It's all about people's character. Just because they go from mean to nice doesn't change who they are, unh." Pot meet kettle. If we tally up our score cards of people who have said mean things in the house, Elvira would be champion of the universe.

In addition to hurling insults with unparalleled aplomb, Elvira is a master whiner. And we are once again treated to her bitching and moaning about how all the girls in the house are so mean to her. They always talk about her, hnmm mnmm, and say like the meanest things. Mind you, this is coming from the girl who told Amanda to her face that she was disgusting and J-U-DD that he was a crazy ridiculous liar. Speaking of J-U-DD, listening to this his eyes kind of glaze over and we all smile happily to ourselves knowing he's floating along that Xanax highway of his.

Evira then asks J-U-DD what he thinks of Amanda. J-U-DD says he really likes Amanda. Elvira replies, "Hnmm mnmm, people in the house are saying you want her out." J-U-DD brushes the cobwebs out of his face and asks, "Who said that? I never said that." Elvira tells him that like 3 people said it. J-U-DD asks her if it was Candice, Howard and Spencer. Elvira tells him no and then asks, "So you never said Amanda made you mad by picking your nominations?" J-U-DD tells Elvira that Amanda didn't pick his nominations at all. Amanda wanted Howard on the block, but J-U-DD never nominated him. This may sound relatively innocuous, but here is what you need to know. Helen was the one going around the house telling people that J-U-DD was all broken up and shattered that Amanda was running his HOH. It was Helen, Elvira's best good friend, that has been spreading these lies. Is Elvira starting to suspect that Helen isn't 100% trustworthy? Will the two eventually turn on one another? I hope so!

Aryan then comes outside - which is Elvira's cue to run away and hide. J-U-DD asks Aryan who she is going to put on the block as a replacement nominee (Spencer won POV). Aryan tells him she is definitely putting Candice up, but she doesn't really care if Candice or Howard goes home. J-U-DD mumbles that it would be silly to get rid of Candice right now because Howard is a much bigger threat and can win HOH next week. I am inclined to agree with J-U-DD on this. Production will do whatever they can to save and protect Howard. And if by some miracle he survives the week, expect next week's HOH to be a "Name that book in the Bible" comp.

Inside, we find Helen and Andy in the cockpit. Like I discussed on the Big Brother Gossip Show this weekend, Helen has one thing on her mind and that is JURY. Jury this, Jury that, hurry hurry hurry, let's get these people to Jury. Her entire game strategy is stacking that Jury with people who will vote for her to win. So, when you wonder why Howard is going before Candice it's because Helen doesn't trust Howard to vote for her to win. Helen's worry after Howard is Spencer and how he could possibly vote were he to get to Jury.

Helen asks Andy if he thinks Spencer knows about the deal she made with Aryan (if Aryan won HOH, she would let Helen's alliance pick her noms). Andy tells her that Spencer absolutely knows about the deal because Aryan told him about herself. Helen then asks Andy if he thinks Spencer will go after her if he wins HOH. Andy tells her that he doesn't think so. He also tells her that he can control Spencer because they're really close (Ha!). Helen brings up Jury again and worries about letting certain people get too far. Andy then tells Helen that he wants Elvira out sooner rather than later. He doesn't like the fact that she's a loose cannon. Helen nods and says, "For sure", but honestly she wants Elvira there for the long haul. Helen not only knows she can win against Elvira, but she knows that Elvira is most likely a Jury vote she's got in the bag.

Helen then tells Andy that it was Jessie who came up with the plan to keep Aryan safe. True, Jessie was anti-Eyebrows (Kaitlin), but Helen is the one who told Aryan that if she won HOH, the alliance should control her nominations. Helen loves taking credit for huge moves that Amanda makes, but she hates taking credit for shady moves she makes herself. Personally, I don't find anything wrong with Helen wanting to control Aryan's HOH, but it really chaps her ass that Spencer and others now know about it. Speaking of Amanda, Helen is obsessed with Amanda and McCrae NOT going to Jury together. She doesn't want Amanda voting for McCrae to win over Helen. Again, and totally out of nowhere, Andy says how much he wants Elvira out. Helen automatically nods and mumbles, "Sure, sure." She's totally lying.

Andy then tells Helen that J-U-DD was upset with her yesterday for feeling bad that Howard was crying after nominations. J-U-DD became convinced that Helen would flip and save Howard. Helen nods absently, but she is really still deep in thought over building her ideal Jury. She tells Andy that they have to get rid of Aryan because the longer she stays around, the stronger she makes Amanda and McCrae.

And here is where things gets interesting. Here is where I cleverly reference back to my opening paragraph. For some reason, Helen decides to tell Andy that there are people in the house that think he is floating through the game. Andy asks her who is saying that. Helen tells him J-U-DD and other people. Helen then tells him that people have also said how Andy constantly pops into everyone's conversations. The strained look of hiding pain that flashed across Andy's face in that moment was miraculous. In one split second we caught a glimpse of his entire being crumbling. All the bones and gristle and ginger parts began to buckle, but he quickly snaps out of it and declares, "I'm happy people think I'm a floater. You have to choose when to make a strategic move and now is not my time."

So, yes, Andy is happy to be called a floater. In fact, he's so happy he immediately corners J-U-DD in the Storage Room and tells him how much he loves people thinking he's a floater. Up until this point in time, I think Andy was convinced that he is a hardcore gamer. To hear the word floater attached to himself is freaking him out something fierce. But, Andy is Andy. He'll dust himself off, accept the floater label, and tell everyone it was part of his grand master flash plan all along. Before Andy scurries off to tell more people how much he loves being thought of as a floater, he tells J-U-DD to stay on Candice's good side in case she gets HOH next week.

Outside, we find Helen and Spencer in the hammock talking about Candice. Helen says that Candice isn't helping Howard's game at all. In fact, Candice threatened Helen the other day in the cockpit and Helen just can't let it go. Apparently, Candice was trying to push Helen to make a deal to get her alliance to keep Howard. When Helen didn't respond, Candice told her that if Helen doesn't get her side of the house to save Howard, she'll go after Helen and her friends and take them all down. Helen complains to Spencer how she was surprised and appalled that Candice would threaten her like that. Helen says that she told Candice ok just to get her to shut up. She again tells Spencer how it really ticked her off that something she thought as her friend, Candice, could threaten her and treat her so poorly. Truth be told, Helen threatens people everyday!

The afternoon continued lazily and we now find Helen and Aryan in the hammock. Aryan is upset because all weekend long Candice has been bringing up the race stuff. Aryan apologized to Candice last week for flipping her bed and Candice forgave her. But now that Candice and Howard are in trouble this week, race is all that Candice can talk about. Aryan tells Helen how when she found out that people thought she was racist, she cried so hard that she couldn't breathe. She says she has nightmares about it every night and extremely scared to leave the house because a rumor like that could make her unsafe in the outside world. This is true. And no, I'm not saying Aryan should be completely absolved for what she has said. BUT, I wonder if CBS making Aryan the racist poster girl for the season has indeed put her in danger. Look, we all know she is going to have a miserable time the second she leaves the house. And, believe me, she'll learn a lesson so fast it'll make her head spin. If I think back to all the racist comments made over the season, I find VaGina's (GinaMarie) much more offensive than Aryan's. For the most part, Asshat (Jeremy) and Bouffant (David) have emerged from the scandal unscathed. It strikes me as incredibly unfair that Aryan will be walking into a nightmare. and taking all the blame for every hateful thing ever uttered in that house. Yes, VaGina lost her job too, but I don't think she'll be getting 1/100th of the ire that Aryan has coming her way.

Listening to all of this, Helen admits that she only ever heard Candice and Elvira's side of the story. She tells Aryan that she understands that the comments probably weren't made out of malice, but that sometimes people don't understand how others could be offended by their comments. Helen says this is especially true in a house like Big Brother where all people are looking for is took a comment and twist it something that could get you evicted. Helen tells Aryan that at one point the house was so against Aryan that if she said hello, people would attack for it. The conversation ends with Helen telling Aryan she is glad she has gotten to know her better now.

The day continued fairly uneventfully. We had Andy telling more people how happy he is to be a floater and Aryan organized another nail party in the HOH (to keep Helen happy). That's where I'll end this for today. This afternoon expect Candice to go up in Spencer's place. Will she lose her shit and cry all day? The magic 8 ball says yes.

So, what do you think of Helen playing her game around the Jury? Have you begun to warm up to Aryan at all? Will Andy stop popping into conversations now? (that last one was rhetorical) Comment it out bitches and have a great day!

Insane In The Membrane

Albert Einstein once said, "Insanity is doing the the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." Oh puh-lease, don't flatter yourself Albie. I have the right to express my opinion here on this little blog and my opinion is...hnmm mnmm. You know what? I don't want to talk you. I never even think about you. Science is totally ridiculous anyways. Religion is what is important in my life. Religion and my ministry. Ministering little gumballs of hate to all the ridiculous pathetic people is my true passion. Not that I even think of other people at all. They're so not worth my time and they should really stop flattering themselves. Hnmm mnmm. And I don't appreciate you sitting in your laboratory with your beakers and bunsen burners making fun of my religion. I have the right to put a stop to your hypothesizing and theorizing and jazzercising. You're just a ridiculous liar. I would never associate with someone as disgraceful as you. Hnmm mnmm. I would also never do that to you - make fun of something that's important to you. Science is like so offensive anyways. Don't flatter yourself thinking I sit here giving science a second thought. It means nothing to me. But you can't keep making defamatory remarks about my religion. I'm telling Production right now! Whatever. Let's recap, shall we?

With two feet, let's jump right in and get to the good stuff. Elvira (Elissa) is completely insane and I can't believe her nurses have let her out in public without her thorazine drip. She is a danger not only to herself, but to society as a whole. Hnmm mnmm.

We begin with Andy, J-U-DD, Amanda, McCrae and Elvira sitting outside. Elvira is talking about how she doesn't like that Howard uses his religion to further himself in the game. Her voice gets louder and louder carrying the hnmm mnmm's across the vast expanse of the backyard with reckless abandon. Andy mimes to her that she needs to lower her voice because there are other people nearby - other "friends with Howard" people. McCrae, seeing Andy motioning to Elvira to pipe down and stick a cork in it, begins to giggle to himself.

Oh shit. McCrae laughed. Elvira was talking and McCrae laughed. Hide yo' kids, hide yo' wife!

Elvira then goes ballistic telling Andy that she can't believe he sat there and mocked her religion to her face. Como what? She says that religion and her ministry are very important parts of her life and she doesn't appreciate people belittling her passions. Andy quickly tells her that all he was doing was trying to get her to lower her voice because she was talking loudly about Howard. Elvira purses her duck lips and says, "Whatever. You know I would never make fun of something that was important to you. I don't appreciate you making fun of my religion." She then gets up and walks inside mumbling to herself about how offended she is.

With Elvira safely inside, Andy, J-U-DD, Amanda and McCrae all look at one another quizzically. Andy asks the group, "What the fuck just happened?" Amanda says, "I think she misinterpreted it." Andy explains to them that all he was trying to do was to get Elvira to lower her voice. Andy sighs to himself and says, "I better go fix things." Amanda then motions to McCrae to go with Andy.

The two boys head inside to the bathroom to wait for Elvira to finish her Colace shits (Colace is a laxative often used in mental institutions because medications can make patients constipated).

When Elvira finally emerges from the toilet, Andy says, "Come here when you're done." Elvira snaps, "I don't want to talk to you guys. Like, that was so rude." McCrae then jumps in and tells her that she was getting loud outside and they were trying to discreetly tell her to lower her voice when she was talking about Howard. Elvira barks, "Howard wasn't even there!" Andy replies, "VaGina (GinaMarie) was!" Elvira snorts, "Whatever."

Andy apologizes again and tells her that what happened wasn't about religion at all. And here is where Elvira opened up her skull and released the alien living inside of it, "Don't flatter yourself! I would never put on a show for any of you. Religion is something very important to me." *scratches head* What the hell is this bitch talking about? I mean... what. the. hell.

McCrae again insists they weren't laughing at her but Elvira just keeps rolling her eyes. Andy interrupts them both and says, "Hang on just a sec. I'll explain what happened. Howard is in a secret alliance with VaGina and Eyebrows (Kaitlin) and you were talking about Howard using his religion and they were right there. That's why I was like..." Elvira interrupts him and snaps, "I don't do that! So to laugh about it is like..." Andy interjects, "McCrae was laughing at ME because I was trying to tell you to lower your voice." Andy tries to explain again and again how this psychotic hosebeast was squawking too loud, but she refuses to hear it. Refuses!

Andy tells her, "I would never make fun of your religion. I think you carry your religion amazingly." Whatever that means. Elvira replies, I would never do that to you guys... make fun of something that's important to you." Seriously folks, it's like talking to a brick wall. A psychotic botox-filled brick wall. The conversation ends when Jessie trundles in and tells them they're being loud. Elvira makes a quick escape while Andy and McCrae simply stare at each other and wonder to themselves what the hell just happened.

We then fast forward to a mandatory lockdown where all of the Houseguests have to wait in the HOH room. Amanda, for some reason, takes this as an opportunity to pluck her bikini line. A note to all the women out there: NEVER pluck! It makes more hairs grow. Anyhow, Amanda is sitting in the shower taming her forest when Elvira enters and joins her. She immediately begins to moan about how everything everyone says in the house totally offends her. She reveals that she even asked Production to let her go home the first week. And then, like clockwork, she brings up the religion thing again.

Amanda tries to explain to her what happened, but Elvira doesn't want to hear it. She tells Amanda proudly that she told Andy not to flatter himself and that he means nothing to her. Remember these lines because they're just about all Elvira has in her arsenal. Elvira sighs again and says, "I'm going to tell them I want to go home." Amanda asks, "Andy and McCrae?" Elvira replies, "No, Production. I shouldn't be subjected to defamatory remarks like this." The feeds go to fish and I take the break as my opportunity to pluck out my own eyeballs with a melon baller.

Fortunately (or unfortunately) for me, the feeds return before I'm able to start scooping. They return and I hear that voice saying, "Everything in my life is so good. Hnmm mnmm. I don't need this. This is so stupid." Amanda gently asks her if she is OK with Andy. Elvira says he's so stupid and it's obvious that he's lying to her. And then, once again, she starts with the whole, "I shouldn't have to be made uncomfortable for my religion. I feel weird reading my Bible now." WHAT IS SHE EVEN TALKING ABOUT?! No one said anything about her religion! No one insulted her! No one breathed on her or looked at her wrong... *yanks hair out* 

But she's not done! There's more!

"We're on this show for 3 months. Can't you not hold it together and not make defamatory comments on religion or race? I've never been around a group of deceitful people, just like, lack of etiquette, like social graciousness. I'm going to talk to them (Production) after this. This is like ridiculous. It's the most important thing in my life and it's not funny. Hnmm mnmm. I don't want Andy to apologize. It's rude and it never should have come out of his mouth."

How Amanda didn't attack Elvira viciously with her tweezers, I'll never know. And how Amanda managed to say, "I'm sorry that your feelings were hurt" with a straight face is an even greater mystery. And I hope you didn't think Elvira was actually done, BECAUSE SHE'S NOT!!!

"I think I'm created from a higher power and that's what I believe in. I have never been in such a disgrace. This is disgraceful. I'm building a ministry. They shouldn't flatter themselves. They don't matter anything to my life. It's like totally disrespectful."

I shit you not, the crazy continues for like another 10 hours. After the HOH lockdown is over, Elvira immediately goes to the DR to get one of her microchips replaced.

When Elvira emerges from the DR, she makes a bee line for Eyebrows in the kitchen. The two stand at the sink and Elvira tells her that if she doesn't confront everyone in the house, she'll be going home this week. She says that Aryan is spreading a rumor that Eyebrows is in a secret alliance with Howard and Spencer. Lies. Lies, lies, lies. Aryan didn't say anything. Truth be told, it was J-U-DD. But, if you'll remember, Elvira was just in the DR and Production is doing everything they can to get rid of Aryan this week. So, basically, they fed Elvira a bunch of bullshit, gave her some instructions, and let her loose on the house. She is their puppet. She is a mole. She is in the house to manipulate the game and control the outcome. She is privy to everyone's secrets and she is personally guided on how to navigate through week after week. If this doesn't bother you, you're just as insane as she is.

Anyhow, as Elvira is feeding Eyebrows this line of bullshit, Aryan overhears it all in the bathroom. She immediately goes to Helen and tells her that Elvira has told Eyebrows she's going home. Helen's eyes bug out of her head as she says, "I have no idea what Elvira is up to." I do! She wants Aryan gone and Production is helping her do it! Christ, even Aryan knows what's going on. She tells Helen that Elvira wants her out of the house so bad that she's purposely screwing everything up. If you have the Live Feeds, then you know that Elvira is part of an alliance that is planning on voting out Eyebrows this week. What Elvira just did in the kitchen was betray her alliance in an effort to serve her own selfish desire to get rid of Aryan.

Meanwhile, Eyebrows is freaking out because she thought she was safe all this time. She flits from person to person telling them how Elvira told her she's probably going home unless she confronts the whole house in a house meeting.

And that's just what we get a house meeting. Or what I like to call, diving into the bell jar. With everyone gathered in one of the bedrooms, Helen asks Elvira what's going on. VaGina jumps in and starts cracking up hysterically, "Yo, yo, yo, Imma supposed to like be in a alliance with all youse peoples. ahahahahaha!!!!" J-U-DD shrugs his shoulders and mumbles, "I hummina hummina stay up late at night ahummina hummina." Elvira announces, "You guys are nuts. I'm sick of everyone lying to me. Aryan needs to go."

Cue Aryan walking into the bedroom. There is an incredibly long discussion about whether or not Elvira said Aryan's name at all when talking to Eyebrows in the kitchen. She did, but Elvira insists she didn't. And since Aryan overheard the kitchen conversation, Aryan insists, "I heard you say my name! Eyebrows, you told me she said my name. Tell her what you said." Eyebrows then crawls under the chair and hides. Elvira turns to Aryan smugly, "I don't know why you're attacking me. You always twist my words. This has nothing to do with you!" Aryan replies, "You said my name. It has everything to do with me." Elvira chews her face and says, "Don't flatter yourself! I never even think about you. You know what, I don't want to talk to you anymore."

The demented dance continues and it goes something like this...

Aryan: I'm so sick of you making shit up about me.
Elvira smiles.
Aryan: Why are you doing this to me?
Elvira: Get a life! You're attacking me!
Helen: Aryan is telling the truth.
Aryan: I'm so sick of rumors being made up about me.
VaGina: Nick! I love you Nick! Holla for a dolla!
Elvira: Aryan told people she was safe this week!
Aryan: I never said that!
Elvira: Why are you even talking to me? I never think about you. Stop flattering yourself!
Aryan sighs.
Elvira: It's not all about you! This has nothing to do with you! Hnmm mnmm.
Elvira: I can't be in this house with Aryan!
Eyebrows whimpers.
VaGina: We're all like genuine people here. Ya know.
Elvira: Aryan just attacked me and I refuse to be manipulated like this!
And... scene!

The meeting disperses and only one thing is for sure... Elvira, time for your meds!

In the Storage Room, it is finally dawning on Helen that Elvira is Queen of the Shit Stirring People. She clutches her head and moans, "She's ruining everything!" Andy replies, "She's a loose cannon. She's pushing her own agenda of getting Aryan out and not the alliance's agenda."

Meanwhile, Aryan is shaken to the core with frustration. Aryan may be an ignorant twit who doesn't know much about race relations or tact, but she doesn't deserve Elvira's twisted manipulations. There's a difference between saying something mean out of ignorance and saying something mean out of malice. Aryan is ignorant. Elvira is malicious. Ignorance can be eradicated over time with education and understanding (and, believe me, Aryan will get herself one hell of an education when she leaves the house). Malice is something within you, a part of you. Malice cares not of the consequences. Sociopathic personalities like Elvira will never learn from their mistakes because, to them, they simply don't make mistakes! Let's just say, it takes a pretty awful person to make us sympathize with someone who was formerly the house pariah. But sympathize we did. We looked at Aryan being manipulated unfairly and it angered us.

The madness didn't end there and Elvira continued to assault even likable people like J-U-DD. She told him to his face that he was a crazy ridiculous liar. Clearly, all of this was Elvira desperately trying to get Aryan out of the house this week. Unfortunately for her, I think her plan backfired. Had she not lost it earlier in the day over the stupid religion thing, the house might have been more likely to believe her. She shot herself in the foot though when she called Andy, harmless Jazz Hands Andy, a manipulative liar. Nice try Elvira. You need to reel in the crazy not roll it out.

So, what did you guys think of yesterday's shenanigans? Why did Elvira go batshit crazy over the religion stuff? How much instruction did the DR give her before she attacked Aryan? Will Elvira strike again today? Who do you think is going home this week, Aryan or Eyebrows? Comment it out bitches and have a great day!

Star-Crossed Gropers

The timeless tale of tragic love. Lovers meet under unusual circumstances only to be torn apart by a motormouth prancersizer. Their time running out like sands through the hourglass brings them all the more close together. Legs intertwined, ringworm spreading, kisses stolen poolside, that familiar burn when you pee... ah, romance! And as with all great romantic stories, our hero must either die like Jack did in Titanic or be sent home in shame with only a rash to remind him of all he has lost. Let's recap, shall we?

We'll begin our day with the POV Ceremony. POV winner, Eyebrows (Kaitlin), has decided to use the POV on herself which, unfortunately, means her bohunk boyfriend Asshat (Jeremy) is now on the block. This was HOH Helen's diabolical plan this whole time - to backdoor Asshat. After the ceremony we find the two lovers in a warm embrace. Eyebrows has plastered blood red kisses on his face - See that Jessie? He's hers, not yours! - as the two coo and sigh. Asshat tells her that this is the end of his Big Brother season... THIS season. Eyebrows gazes up at Asshat and says, "You'll try out again next season!" Asshat shakes his head, "If they want me, they'll call me and ask me." 

Here's the thing, Asshat is a douche canoe. We all know this, BUT I am not ready for him to leave yet. He is a large arrogant personality who can be trusted to bicker with someone at least once a day and I would hate to lose that so early in the game. If I had it my way, I'd like Spencer to go this week. Yes, that means Aryan can stick around to. You know how I love myself some drama. I can't have all the shit stirring people going home before Jury!

Downstairs in the Storage Room we find Elvira (Elissa) and Amanda having a quick meeting. Amanda says it is annoying how Helen keeps offering protection to people. She made a deal with Eyebrows and now that she's removed herself from the block, the others aren't allowed to go after her next week. Elvira nods and agrees, "We can't keep promising everyone protection." Amanda tells Elvira that Helen is making Elvira do her bidding. Elvira insists that Helen isn't. She has no intention of continuing to be the middle man as the game goes on. 

Up in the HOH we find VaGina (GinaMarie) and Candice. Take a wild guess what they're talking about. Yup, Nick! Again! Candice is trying to explain to VaGina how The Moving Company fell apart. VaGina listens and shakes her head to herself. Lately, she's been getting the impression from Aryan that she either never liked Nick or has something to tell her about Nick. Uh yeah. Aryan really wants to tell you how you're being completely psychotic about a guy who never liked you. VaGina then starts quoting Roxette... it must have been love, but it's over now. 

Out in the backyard, Asshat and Amanda are talking about the whole racism fight the other night. Asshat firmly believes that it was all blown out of proportion. Amanda says that she was really snippy that day and was getting sick and tired of people picking on Jessie. She says that she wasn't even the first person to bring up the racism stuff (she's referring to the DR). Asshat shrugs his shoulders, "Who knows how people are being portrayed?" Amanda replies, "I know." Asshat laughs at her assuredness. Amanda says they ask her about the racism stuff all the time in the DR. Big Brother then comes on the loud speaker, "Amanda, you are not allowed to talk about your Diary Room sessions." Andy then interrupts and says that Amanda is really bad about talking about production. She asks, "Am I?" Andy says yes and that he is too. He says he's waiting for the day when they both get penalty nominations. 

A little later on we find Asshat in the pool. Candice is lying nearby with Amanda and Aryan reclining on the opposite end. The discussion turns to the votes for Bouffant (David). Asshat insists that he voted for Bouffant to stay (he did), but Candice doesn't believe him. Asshat again says he voted for Bouffant and Candice will be embarrassed when she finally sees the tapes. He'll be waiting for her phone call where she apologizes to him. He then accuses Candice of calling out Amanda and McCrae (I have no idea where this came from). Candice leaps up off the side of the pool and straight into the water. She screams at Asshat, "Don't you lie on me! Don't you lie on me!" She then swims over to Aryan and says that it was Nick she was calling out, not Amanda.

Candice finally steps out of the pool and lies back down in her spot. Asshat can't let the outburst go though. He is the one of those last word people... he always has to have it. Splashing in the water, Asshat begins to chuckle to himself. It's incredibly condescending and you just kind of want to hold his under the water until he's a bloated corpse. Asshat continues to laugh and says he can't believe how upset Candice got. Candice then the one thing she doesn't like is when people call her a liar. Asshat snaps, "You're just mad cuz you got called out." Candice shoots up again, "CALLED OUT ON WHAT?!" Asshat continues to laugh at her. Candice tells him she is a loyal person and that no one was loyal to Asshat which is why he's going home. Asshat replies, "I'm going home because I'm a champ and you'll be going home next because you can't control your emotions." The scene ends with Asshat singing 'Cry Me A River'.

The camera switches to Aryan and Jessie, but we've missed the beginning of the conversation. All I'm able to catch is that they're talking about Eyebrows. Jessie is 100% sure if Eyebrows win the next HOH, she's going up on the block. 

The lazy afternoon continues which brings on the rumblings of a Nail Party. *sigh* Helen wants to have a Nail Party up in the HOH with all the girls. Nothing sounds like a more miserable idea than a party thrown by Helen. It wouldn't be a party, it would be a team building exercise with a Power Point presentation. Amanda, too, wants no part of the party. She's on slop and really doesn't want to watch a bunch of girls much on goodies. Personally, I skipped the party and got all caught up on The Killing. But this morning catching up on BBAD, I see that Asshat crashed the party.

Apparently, Asshat invited himself to the party and people were annoyed. By people, I mean Jessie. She hates breathing the same air Asshat does and she just wants to be left alone by him and his skanky girlfriend. Andy was also at the party because, well, he's Andy! He's everywhere. The discussion turned to first kisses and Jessie said that her first kiss was in a boy's bathroom. Andy shouted, "Ho!" and Eyebrows started laughing really loud. Well, this infuriates Jessie. She storms out of the nail party and outside where Amanda and McCrae are lying on the hammock withering away from hunger. 

Jessie puts her hands on her hips and tells them she is so sick of Eyebrows being mean to her. I don't know if Eyebrows' laugh was full of shrapnel or what, but Jessie is super pissed off about it. She jumps from person to person telling them that Eyebrows laughed SO hard. Mind you, she's not mad at Andy for calling her a ho, she's mad at Eyebrows for bumping uglies with Asshat. Word eventually gets back to Eyebrows who thinks this is all so ridiculous. Andy suggests that Eyebrows apologize to Jessie. Instead Eyebrows bitches and moans to Asshat about how ridiculous Jessie is. Asshat tells Eyebrows that Jessie will always have a problem. Then he smiled to self and somewhere a puppy got run over by a truck.

So that's that! Do you think there is any way to save Asshat? Could the house flip at the last minute? Comment it out bitches and have a great day!