Swear On Arkansas

After she went down to the creek to fetch her water for the day, Kathy Faye would then begin to do the washing up. Everyday she has to bury her bucket of feces downwind of the tiny cabin that often looked like a small breeze could knock it off it's mountaintop perch. The wooden porch may as well have been put together with toothpicks. It was her granddaddy who built the cabin back at the turn of the century. It was intended as a place for the moonshiners to stay when they were out working late at night in the hollow and solid longlasting contstruction wasn't really his forte or his intention. He was a grumpy man with a scruffy beard who shuffled around with one suspender and a screw top jar full of the 'shine in his front pocket. Kathy Faye had only known him briefly as a child and even though he was scary and gruff, she knew the formula for how much sugar and yeast to use would always get her out of a jam if she was desperate. And Pappy Faye's 'shine did exactly that... how do you think she paid for all them oncology tests? Well, let's just say it wasn't the HMO down at the Sheriff's office. It was long nights swatting at the 'skitos', clutching the double barrel in her lap, and smoking cig after cig making sure Sheriff Dobkins didn't swing by at the end of his night down at the honky tonk. Yup, Kathy Faye was a tough broad who's been to this side of hell and back. She's expects the worst to happen now. It's just easier that way. Expect it and you'll never be surprised. Let's recap, shall we?

It's POV Ceremony day and the whole house is still confused as to whom to vote out and who to keep. Kathy Faye has been avidly working Kristen over by telling her about Brenchel's hate for her and Hayden while Andrew has pretty much kept to himself planning his jars of baby food for the day. Yesterday, dear friends, that all changed. The morning began with Kathy Faye and Kristen dreading the pending POV Ceremony. Kristen sighed languidly wondering why both Brendon and Rachel had to play in the POV. This would all be so much easier if they'd just backdoored Brendon and been done with it. I like Kristen. I always have. When I see people on Twitter gets all bitchy and nasty over some silly socks she's wearing I can't help but think how petty and childish it all is. I don't know. If you dislike someone make it for something more than her fucking socks.

OK so everyone is whispering and chitchatting over the big POV Ceremony. I sat home and wondered why. We all know Brendon's not going to use the damn POV. The noms will stay the same. What could possibly happen to shake things up? Lane sits and wonders if there's actually a way they can convince Brendon to use the POV after all. Maybe tempt him into getting out another strong male in the house? Look, unless Brendon is met with an untimely accident where he slips on the kitchen floor and half his brain oozes out of his ear, there's no way in hell he's using that POV. While Lane is busy making wishful thinking plans, Enzo tells the other Badda-bing members, "I'm telling you man, I say we get rid of fucking Andrew." Enzo has always thought that Andrew was a bit of a shady character. For one, he's creepy. B) He keeps to himself so who the hell knows what he's thinking. Thirdly, he seems to have a lot of acquaintances in the house ready to jump to his defense. You add it all up and he's too much of a wild card.

Hayden and Lane head up to the HOH to wait for Matt and have a Badda-bing meeting of the minds. While they wait, they run through various scenarios of who Brenchel would put on the block if they won HOH next week. They're thinking two members of Badda-bing could end up on the block and this freaks them out. Eventually, Matt makes his way upstairs but hot on his heels is Ragan. I swear that guy can smell a meeting about to go down from a mile away. Homeowners meetings, AA meetings, Girl Scout meetings... you name it, Ragan will find it.

Lane and Hayden decide, for Ragan's benefit, to ask Matt how he thinks the votes will go. Matt thinks the house is split right now. Lane tells the group that Andrew hasn't approached him at all yet Kathy has approached him twice already. Both nominees leave such a question mark in Lane's mind that he decides he'll vote for George Clooney to stay instead. He's a popular guy. Besides he's got that house on Lake Como and maybe he'll invite the HG's to visit one day. All of a sudden, BB comes over the loud speaker and calls Ragan to the DR. Feedsters were thrilled and Lane says, "Good job DR!". With Ragan safely out of the way, the meeting resumes and all guys confess to being really confused at to exactly what the house is thinking. Matt thinks Kristen is a great resource as she's close to both nominees. She'd be the best person to find out what Andrew is really thinking. Matt lies and says over and over that he really doesn't care who goes home. He claims he has no loyalties either way. It seems to me that Matt has loyalties to everyone but Badda-bing! He's loyal to Andrew, he's loyal to Ragan... this asshole even wants Brenchel to win HOH next week! I understand he's playing for himself and that's fine, but doesn't he realize that as soon as the house puts two and two together his ass is gonna be alone with nary a vote to help him? He's lucky Badda-bing was built on loyalty and trust. It's a brotherhood that wouldn't even consider to question betrayal from within. That's their one downfall. They believe too much in themselves.

Matt laughs and jokes that whatever they decide as a group will probably will wrong anyways. Lane secretly hopes they can piss someone off so much that a fight will break out and someone will be removed saving poor Lane from having to vote. Hayden muses aloud that he remembers Brendon boasting back in week one how he's "got Andrew". Instead of all this guessing and conjecture, I can't help but wonder why one of them doesn't just make a deal or something. Badda-bing is entirely too complacent. Lane and Hayden are beginning to step up and question moves, but it's all happening a little too slow for me. If I had things my way, Badda-bing would recruit Britney and Kristen, figure out Matt is double crossing them, systematically take out the entire house, then at the end turn on each other and duke it out for Final 3. I've written my wishes in blood by candlelight on some really old parchment paper (in fact, I think it was Egyptian papyrus) while chanting in the all powerful Ancient Enochian so I'm pretty sure the powers that be got my message and will make it so.

Britney enters the meeting and again makes the point that Andrew is a strong player and she'd much rather have to compete against Kathy than him. This is where Matt comes up with his new "target" tactic. He tells Britney that keeping Andrew in the house essentially keeps another target around that the house will go after. It's moronic and makes very little sense. He'll continue to pitch it throughout the day to other HG's. No one really buys it and Matt is forced to rip up the "target plan" index card he pulled out of his shorts that day.

A bunch of other pre-POV Ceremony speculating goes on, but it's all pretty much the same old same old. Where does Brenchel really lie? Is Andrew with them? How will Kathy vote next week? Why is Matt's hand always down his pants? Is he digging for gold? Yadda yadd yadda fast forward to right after the POV Ceremony...

The Feeds return and we find the house stunned. I clutched my pearls and prayed that Brendon used the POV. It turns out Andrew, the dreidel meister himself, made a hell of a speech that may or may not have involved Rachel snorting fire through her nose. It's all very confusing so I leaned in close hoping I could piece together the mystery. Here's what I came up with...

Andrew gave a speech that specifically named Brendon and Rachel in some capacity. I think he said he was gunning for them and, upon hearing this, Rachel began to huff and puff and rock back and forth while making fists with her hands. Her reaction was so over the top and phony that it made the entire house question whether or not it was all a big set-up and that all along Andrew has been secretly working with Brenchel. It may not sound like that big of a deal, but, seriously, it must have been a doozy because right after all was said and done not only had Kristen firmly cemented her decision to boot Andrew, but so has Ragan! That's HUGE. If you remember, Ragan has been dead set against Kathy because she lacked a certain fire in her belly that he deems necessary to stay in the game. Ragan and all his highfalutin talk of integrity and mumbo jumbo was completely turned off by what Andrew and Rachel did in that meeting.

Conversely, Kathy gave a heartfelt and emotional speech that was authentic and genuine. She's been a fighter all her life and she's gonna continue to fight to stay in this game. She sits with Ragan in the HOH and finally we hear the real story of why she needs to stay in the Big Brother house. She's scared she might get sick again and she wants to make sure her son and mom are provided for. Apparently, the type of chemo they gave her makes her a strong candidate to now contract Leukemia. Up until right before the Molasses Have-Not competition she was still getting medicine intravenously which is why she was so bruised up. She just happened to mention in passing that her bruises had finally gone away and it was this statement alone that lit a teeny tiny ember in Ragan's heart. He wants Kathy to approach everyone and mention that no one has been more beat up in these challenges than her. He wants her to explain to everyone what a true fighter she is. All along he thought she just really didn't want to be there when, in actuality, she might want to be there more than anyone else.

OK I realize I'm getting my charming Kathy Faye all mixed up with the real Dragon Lady and that's my perogative. What I refuse to understand though is how Feedsters who so vehemently supported Matt's "My wife has a disease" lie are the same Feedsters blasting Kathy for using her own very real disease to garner sympathy votes. Uh... hypocrite much? You can't be in favor of Matt using a disease to get votes and not be in favor of Kathy doing the exact same thing! The premise is the same. One just happens to be a lie while the other is a truth. Look, make fun of Kathy all you want for smoking and drinking soda. That's fine, but don't tell me she's being weak for doing the exact same thing your precious Matt is doing. If sympathy works, use it! You use whatever you can to stay in the game. It's overwhelming the hypocrisy I see amongst fans and it really pisses me off.

While I'm good and mad, let's talk about fans calling Rachel a whore. From the behavior I've seen in the house thus far from Rachel, she is not a whore. Sure, she's annoying, repugnant, and makes me wants to strangle kittens on a daily basis, but a whore that does not make. It drives me crazy when women rush to call other women a whore just because they're hooking up and you're not. I said the same thing last year with Lydia. Sure, Jessie was gross and whatnot, but it doesn't make her a whore if she wants to hook up with him. What is it about Big Brother that turns it's fans into a bunch of puritanical radicals better suited for 1692 Salem, Massachusetts rather than the liberated 2010 we're now living in? It happens every season. Cat ladies and chat hags alike get on their moral high horses and blast young girls just trying to having fun. Look, I HATE Rachel with a burning passion that sets my loins ablaze, but I'm not gonna go and call her a whore just because she's hooking up with a guy she genuinely likes. If she gets naked and fucks Brendon violently while winking to the camera, then we'll talk, but until then you might wanna lay off the whore accusations. It only makes you look uptight and jealous.

Alright, where were we? OK so Andrew gave a moronic speech implicating Brendon and Rachel and afterwards Brendon goes around the house and still pledges to keep Andrew in the game. Uh, hello red flag! Brenchel, by reputation, are uber paranoid of anyone who might give a whisper of a hint of being after them. All of a sudden they're named loud and clear in a speech and they're suddenly alright with it? Nuh uh. Not ok. It turns out, and grab your glitter for this one, that Rachel wasn't in the know when it came to Andrew and Brendon secretly working together. *bites fist* She had no idea that it was a plan designed to throw off the other HG's. In the middle of Brendon begging Rachel for forgiveness with baby talk, he says that Andrew threw the POV competition so Brendon would win. Um, exsqueeze me? Baking powder? Andrew, while being on the block, THREW the POV comp?! Oh hell no.

Rachel clenches her teeth and purses her lips. She's furious Brendon actually thought for himself before consulting her. She tells him that she can't in good conscience vote to keep Andrew now. She's already told people she was pissed at him! Brendon grabs her hand and nuzzles her neck, "Don't doubt your man. Gosh you're so feisty." Rachel shrieks, "Feisty?!? What the hell do you mean by that?!" Brendon replies, "No baby, I meant it's cute. You're amazing. You're so great. Don't be mad." Rachel crosses her arms across her chest and pouts.

I took the break in the conversation as an opportunity to retrieve my new torture device. I ordered it online and it just arrived yesterday. I'm very excited about this one. It dates back all the way to Medieval Pillars Of The Earth times so it must be cool. What it is is a giant burlap sack filled with really pissed off rats who haven't eaten for days. I simply insert my leg into one of the holes and let the rats do their thing. It's the most effective way I could think of for not only Sepsus and Typhoid to infect me, but also the Bubonic Plague and a good healthy dose of Meningitis. From now on, anytime Brendon whines or Rachel cackles I just very simply slip an appendage inside the sack and I'm good to go.

After Andrew's stunning speech, the rest of the house is obviously in turmoil. Ragan and Kristen have vowed to save Kathy, but how are Badda-bing reacting? Well, Matt, their tiny leader, attempts to coach Andrew on how to stay in the house. He advises Captain Kosher to approach everyone and even offers up his HOH as a place to do it in. Andrew really had no plans to campaign until Tuesday or Wednesday because he thought Monday was way too early. Andrew's big gripe is that he doesn't want to be controlled. He tells Matt that he sees Kathy being controlled and he doesn't want that to happen to him. Matt corrects him and tells him that Kathy isn't being controlled at all. It's exactly the opposite. She's doing her own thing which, in essence, makes her more of a liability. Matt still very much wants Andrew to stay, but Andrew's shenanigans are making it harder and harder for Matt to legitimately defend him. Andrew's going to have to pull something stunning out of his ass to help switch the house back to his favor.

The rest of Badda-bing is leaning is towards Kathy - especially Hayden and Enzo. Lane is still running scenarios and flip flopping, but he'll most likely vote how his alliance votes. So, for the time being, it looks like Kathy will stay. However, if Andrew manages to work some magic and convince Badda-bing he's the better choice, it can all flip again. With Matt helping Andrew out, anything can happen at this point.

So, who do you guys want to stay now? Andrew with buddy boy Brendon in his corner or Kathy the chain smoking cancer survivor? Will Rachel vote with Brendon or will she vote her own conscience? Are you surprised Ragan flipped and can he flip again at this point? Would you like to reserve my rats in a sack for the next time Brenchel gets HOH? I'm taking reservations as we speak. Comment it out bitches and have a great day!