The Tokyo Poop Tour

 (Julie Chen on Media Day)

Konnichiwa Bitches! After a trying weekend of sweltering heat and no power (!), I'm happy to be back amongst the land of the living where I'll never run out of ice cubes for my gin and am eager to share the official house photos of the Big Brother 14 house. The theme, as suspected, is "Tokyo Pop" which, of course, means I'm calling it "Tokyo Poop." Let us take a little tour, shall we?

First up, join me as we venture into the Kitchen/Dining area for an arresting assault on the eyes. White Verner Panton S Chairs encircle the dining table (decidedly more Danish than Japanese and most definitely knock offs) as a drab pixel pattern marks the floor. The pixel motif continues upwards in a blur and I'm sure someone somewhere thought they were being clever, but it's all just so blah. The definition of "pop" is to sparkle, to surprise, to catch off guard. Instead, I feel like I'm in the Arts & Crafts room at Bellevue or something. Not like I've ever been in the Arts & Crafts room at Bellevue. But if I were in the Arts & Crafts room at Bellevue, it would definitely have white plastic chairs as opposed to complicated metal ones I could take apart and beat an orderly upside the head with.

Moving on, we find green plastic chopsticks hanging out in water glasses because, you know, the Japanese daintily drink their water one drop at a time. Looking to the back wall, white mod capsules hold the dishes and stemware. By the way, what's up with all the white? White walls, white chairs, white cups... all the white makes the house look incredibly institutional.

The Lounge, however, is great. Bright, colorful, sleek yet quirky... wait a tic, what's that blasted white table doing there?! If we ditch the table, the room works. Even the cafeteria fluorescents reflect an interesting golden hue that warms the area.

Making our way into the bathroom, we find the booby showers - showers designed to play the boob show. I know many a male BB blogger who is getting a chubby right this very second.

Around the corner from the bathroom we find the Speaker Room - a ghastly bedroom with dollar store sheets and thin foam pallets. The muted purples and grays scream, "I will suck the life out of you!" Aww poor Houseguests. *giggles*

The Shoe Room is equally disturbing with it's high school bathroom floors and stinky shoe wall.

The HOH Room, however, isn't all that bad. In fact, it's warm, lush, and inviting with a tinge of Mountain Lodge thrown in. The couch alone is reason enough to want to hang out and plead my case. "The reason you should keep me in the house is because I'm sitting here talking to you with glitter encrusted nipples, dumb ass." Although, is that a super tiny bed or what?

Making our way outside, we find the pool and a freshly painted blue wall. Nothing too exciting leaps out and the couch area has been much better in past seasons. For a wild and technicolor theme, I'm kind of surprised by how non Technicolor the house and furnishings are. It's like someone pressed a giant mute button, got inspired, and ran with it.

Finally, we end the tour at the Memory Wall which sparked the rumor about 14 newbies. However, I have been told that there will be 16 newbies. CBS is famous for switching things up at the last minute so don't be surprised if whom you expected to see in the house isn't in the house and whom you didn't expect to see is in the house. More HG's are in sequester right now than are needed. Not all will make it in. Let's just collectively hope CBS chooses the ones who will bring drama not whispers. Infernal hard to hear whispers.

EDIT: I completely forgot to mention the room that was off limits during Media Day! And I'm not talking about the Have Not room. 

And that's it! That's Tokyo Poop. You can check out a SuperPass Video Tour of the house and catch the premiere episodes of Rumor Control featuring whisperer Daniele Donato and nails on a chalkboard Rachel Reilly today at 6pm EST. Click the link below before the Early Bird Special ends. Time is running out!