Holding Out For A Hero

Through the vacuous wasteland that is Big Brother 13 a hero begins to emerge. A spindly crotchety exhaust pipe of a woman who speaks in bumper stickers and positive affirmations. She'll ride over the prairie with a rifle in her teeth and kill an antelope with one arm tied behind her back. She'll sell you the rights to hunt in the Congo, teach you how to fly-fish in Montana and, after all is said and done, she'll ride home, wash your linens, Swiffer your kitchen, freshen up the tile grout and cook you a hearty meal. She's not a supermodel and she's not a young whipper snipper, but she's got a Meg Ryan coif and a mean smokin' habit. It's Shelly! Shelly. She's been here all along yet we've sort of let her slip through our fingers. No more! I'm scooping her up and placing her on my mantel - bony knees and all. Husky words of wisdom have never done a girl wrong. Let's recap, shall we?

So apparently, over the weekend the proverbial shiteth hath hiteth the faneth. Adam & Dominic are on the block, Dominic is the target and Daniele is one very pissed off quitter's daughter. You see, Daniele claimed from the moment she got that first Golden Key that she'd be working the entire house in an effort to prepare her for the upcoming week we find ourselves facing. The fact of the matter is, she didn't really do that. Instead she slept a lot, made a boy band member for a friend and called everything and everyone "stupid". 3 weeks! This girl had 3 weeks to become everyone's best friend and what does she have to show for it? A 25 year old virgin. That's what. And now, at this most pivotal moment in time, that virgin of hers just might walk out the door. Dominic may be Rachel's target, but Daniele has another one in mind... Jeff.

My thoughts on this are eleventyfold. First, I think Daniele hates the fact that Jeff is loved by America. Oh sure, the idea that "Jeff could win America's Choice in the future" has come up, but I think it's much simpler than that. To the CBS show only viewing public, Daniele is a second rate spoiled brat while Jeff is the golden Sun God. Daniele's not stupid. She knows this. I think there's a touch of the resentment when it comes to one Mr. Jeff Schroeder. And, to be quite honest, I totally get it. I would be furious if I found myself competing against CBS's golden child. There's no way to emerge from his giant shadow - especially if you don't have a slow-witted sidekick of your own to boss around. Jealousy is primal. It's not all that easy to shake and it can make you do some dumb ass things - just look at Rachel. Secondly, Dominic is the only bitch Daniele has successfully wrangled. If she loses him at this stage of the game without a back-up bitch waiting in the wings, she's in serious trouble if the couples stay intact.

I've been for splitting up the couples since day one. They're ruining the game. They're hogging the air time. They're annoying to watch. And, let's face it, watching one of them ripped from the other's arms would be pretty funny. So, even though it's not going to happen, I would love for Rachel to backdoor Jeff. Jeff and Jordan made a huge mistake not splitting up Brenchel when they had the chance. Those are two people anyone should want out of the game as soon as is humanly possible. Not only because they're nauseating, but because they win... a lot.



So let's get to yesterday. The day began with an inflated ego. A douchey, incessant, spears for side burns ego. It's Brendon and he's bringing Adam back into the fold. Adam is a windy fart of a player. He blows wherever the power goes and then just hangs out and stinks. He does nothing, he says nothing, he contributes nothing and, in all honesty, I think the intensity of the game is far more than this superfan ever bargained for. He may be a student of the game, but he's an ineffective lump of a player. His alliances are nil. His strategy is nonexistent. All he does is sit around and loaf. He's a big hairy buttered loaf of bread is what he is. Anyhow, he wants back in with Brendon & Rachel. They're in power - why not?! Brendon is willing to take him back, but only if he promises eternal loyalty and trust. Apparently, loyalty and trust are the tenets by which Brendon plays the game and they're what make Brendon & Rachel "elegant" players as opposed to ratty everyday players. I shit you not. Brendon said that the way he and Rachel evict people is "elegant". Elegant! Yes, Cassi going home because your girlfriend is a hideous hosebeast just reeks of class. Whatevs. *makes a 'W' with fingers* Adam accepts the terms of the agreement, hands his bloodied doughy soul over to Brendon and then trots back to the corner from whence he came. An alliance, for the time being, is born. You and I both know that the second the other side of the house gains power, Adam is hoofing it back over there. That's just what he does.



This brings us to my new favorite person: Shelly. Shelly and Rachel are having a chat and Rachel wants to know if Shelly & Cassi tried to backdoor her and Brendon. Shelly tells her that, yes, Cassi did try, but only because she was trying to stay in the game. The conversation turns to Jeff & Jordan and here's where Shelly shines. She tells Rachel that Jordan is not all that different from her. They both try to protect their men and they're both feisty. Rachel giggles at the compliment and begins to feel her self confidence grow. Now that Shelly's got Rachel nice and happy, this is where she makes her move. She then tells Rachel that Lawon was thrilled that he wasn't picked to play POV and ran straight to Kalia to express how happy he was that they get to coast for another week. She goes from gaining Rachel's trust to planting seeds about other targets. That's how Shelly works. Watch her. It's not just ass kissing. I'm willing to argue that it's all premeditated. She knows all these young gals are insecure and she knows the way to make them feel tremendous is to thickly lay on the compliments. Her straight shooting, "tough as nails yet genuine" mom thing she's got going on works in her favor. Shelly is believable. She's not someone you'd instinctively doubt. She's someone you believe. She's your mom. She's your guidance counselor. She's your life coach. She's Shelly dammit and she's playing the best social game in the house. The difference between her and Jordan is that Jordan's social game isn't a plan. It isn't strategy. It's just a simpleton being a simpleton and it works for her. Shit, it got her $500,000, but it isn't game play. It's fortunate happenstance is all. On the other hand, Shelly is crafty. She's working for her money.



Brendon and Jeff head up to the HOH where Brendon is going to fill Jeff in on everything that's been going on for the past two days. Brendon flat out tells Jeff that Daniele wants him gone. She's been in their ear for several days now and has been planting seeds of doubt about Jeff & Jordan all weekend long. Brendon tells Jeff that Daniele wants to eliminate Jeff & Jordan and bring Dominic in with herself, Brendon and Rachel. Brenchel were never really comfortable with the plan because they always had this nagging feeling that Dominic would take them out the second he won HOH. The more Daniele talked to Brenchel about getting rid of Jeff & Jordan, the more Brendon began to wise up to what she's really up to. Her mission is to split up the couples now so it's easier for her to make it to the end later. Her only mistake was not anticipating that Brendon & Rachel and Jeff & Jordan would actually get together and exchange notes. She underestimated the flow of communication between the couples and the now she's in a heap of trouble.



Jeff appreciates the intel and confesses that he always thought it was weird how Daniele would automatically leave every room he entered. As soon as she sees Jeff, she scurries away as fast as she can. Brendon tells Jeff that Daniele probably does that out of guilt for what she's trying to do to him. I'm not sure I believe that. I think Daniele is a little too heartless to feel guilty about someone like Jeff. I think she's just trying to make herself unavailable. Out of sight, out of mind.



Rachel and her nipples enter and Brendon tells Jeff that he doesn't want to be offensive, but Jordan sometimes tends to let things slip out. They have another one of their caveman talks where the girls aren't allowed to talk game alone with anyone while Rachel sits idly by and picks the nits out of her hair. Rachel says that she just talked to Daniele at the pool where she agreed with everything Daniele was saying so as not to rouse suspicion. Rachel confims to Jeff that Daniele indeed wants to backdoor him. She also wants to get rid of Shelly next, but keep Jordan around for a while so she can be the pawn like she was in BB11. Jeff & Brendon say they should all take naps so they can stay up late and keep the late night crew (newbies + Daniele) from any further scheming.



Down in the Have-Not room, Daniele is trying to feel out and incriminate Shelly. She tries over and over again to get Shelly to say something bad about Brendon & Rachel, but Shelly doesn't fall for it. She says they play to win and she can't disrespect that. Daniele tells her that the Oldies aren't even there to play. She says they just want to have a fun summer and hang out. I have no idea what Daniele is talking about. The Oldies have been playing from day one whereas the Newbies have been floundering around aimlessly. Daniele switches gears and asks Shelly if she'd ever truly vote out Jeff & Jordan. Shelly says of course she would. They're wonderful people and she likes them a lot, but when push comes to shove she'll do what she needs to do. Shelly tells Daniele that she thinks Jeff & Jordan are just playing to get to Jury. She says that Daniele is set up perfectly to skate through to the end and then the bricklaying of the compliments begins. Daniele is a harder nut to crack though. She rolls her eyes and scoffs whenever someone says something nice to her. Shelly continues to weave her magical tapestry and the conversation ends with a tentative future alliance. They'll wait and see how this next week plays out and reconvene at a later date to see if a partnership would benefit them. Is Daniele preparing for the loss of Dominic? *shrugs shoulders* Possibly. Does Shelly already know what Daniele is up to? Absolutely.



Jeff then takes Jordan into the Storage Room and fills her in on Daniele's plan to get rid of him and keep Jordan around as a pawn. Jordan is shocked and stunned. She can't believe that Daniele would try to split up the couples up this early in the game and that everyone thinks she's so useless in the game. Jeff cautions Jordan not to let on to Daniele that she knows what's going on. In the meantime, she's to keep talking to Daniele like normal and continue to blame everything on Dominic like she's been doing. Jordan remarks that Daniele is so sneaky. "She's always been sneaky."




This brings us to about the time the CBS show was airing. Brendon was plucking his nose hairs while Daniele was realizing that all of her gum flapping has been in vain. While working out, Rachel tells Daniele that Brendon probably won't use the POV and that Dominic most likely doesn't have the votes to stay. Daniele tells Rachel she's furious. She tries to use the fact that Brendon & Rachel told her to be friends with Dominic as a way to make them feel guilty. She's trying to act like a martyr who's been doing Brenchel's bidding all along. The truth of the matter is, Daniele had Dominic way before Brenchel wanted her to get close to him. Daniele has been working Dominic since week one. It's not Brendon's fault and it's not Rachel's fault. It's Daniele's fault she wasted 3 weeks on one person who's about to go home. She should have known better than to pitch breaking up Jeff & Jordan as a way to keep Dominic. Had Daniele been wise, she would have tried to keep Cassi last week and pitched for a Brenchel backdoor. Cassi could've been an ally, but now she's bye bye. A lot of people have made a lot of mistakes in the game, but I think Daniele has made the most - which is sort of alarming considering she's been safe all along. She had a free ride and she blew it. She's going to need to build up an army and win this next, very crucial, HOH because the second another one of the Oldies wins, Daniele is history.

In the meantime, I'm keeping my eye on Shelly. I like what she's doing and I think she's far more crafty than people give her credit for. I'm dying to see how she does in an endurance comp. Until then, look for Brendon to not use the POV, the votes to possibly be 4-4 and Dominic to go home. Since hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, this Thursday should be insane in the membrane. Things are finally heating up and the Oldies are fractured. It's about freaking time! My apologies in advance, but there will not be a blog tomorrow. I'll be back on Wednesday. In the meantime, comment it out bitches and have a great day!