Thursday, June 20, 2013
Aaryn: "The Most Fun Ever, Duh!"
Here we go... down into the abyss. Never to be seen in the sunshine again. Pasty, gaunt, suffering from the Scurvy... Whoopsie! Wrong opening. That was meant for a week from now. Today we are here to meet the horrible people we will waste an entire summer on. Are you ready? Of course you are. Let's go!
First up is Aaryn Gries. Aaryn is a 22-year old college student from Texas. Her favorite Houseguests are Janelle, Rachel, Britney and Frank which means she's a miserable person with highly questionable tastes. When asked why she wanted to enter the Big Brother house, Aaryn replied, "Because it looks like the most fun ever. Duh!" And then she giggled and farted out a hairball. She's a doll.
Aaryn isn't just a pretty face, mind you, she is also a deep thinker with lots of profound musings that I'm sure will delight us for weeks to come. For example, one of Aaryn's deep thoughts is, "When you're by yourself, you learn things about yourself!" Put away the Nietzsche, the Descartes, the Plato. Go on, throw them on the fire. We've got Aaryn to guide us now. And aren't we are all a little bit grateful for that?
In addition to reading fortune cookies and applying them to her daily life, Aaryn can also read people very well. And this, she feels, will hurtle her through the summer and into one of those final two chairs. Basically, don't be surprised if she takes a Sharpie to the other HG's freckles and starts forming letters as she plays connect the dots.
You should also know that this ruthless gum ball will do anything she has to in order to win. She'll burn the clothes off her back, take a chum bath every hour for 24 hours and eat slop for a whole week. Maybe even for a month! If a slop diet promises her a better bikini body in 30 days, she'll totally do it. Just don't ask her to shave her head though. Not gonna happen.
In summary, Aaryn isn't exactly the charismatic dynamo I was hoping for. She's kind of a bore and has a nervous habit of giggling at the end of every single damn thing she says. She thinks she's smarter than she is which could be fun for us at home. As Oscar Wilde once said, "There is only one thing in life worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about."
So, what do you think of Aaryn? Does she have the lady balls and a duplicitous mind to play a cunning game or will she trot out on out the door in the first weeks? Comment it out bitches!
And get those Live Feeds already!