Thursday, June 19, 2014

Amber: Thumping Bore


As the great Angelina Jolie once said in her landmark role as Maleficent, "Well, well..." Here we are again meeting 16 shiny new faces. I repeat, 16 NEW FACES. You are ordered to dunk your tits in glitter repeatedly for that one, bitches. Thankfully, the rumor of an opposing team of craggly old weather-beaten veterans in bifocals returning to the house appears to be a ruse and aren't we all just a little bit happy about that? I don't know about you, but I'm resplendent. Alright kiddies, enough chitchat. Let's get this show on the road!

The first victim up is 26 yr. old Esthetician/Model Amber Borzotra from Knoxsville, TN. However, she lives in North Hollywood which tells us that she is a recruit. What also tells us that she is a recruit is the fact that she is not all that familiar with Big Brother, but she's just dying to get her hands on those competitions! When asked what quality she'll bring to the house that separates her from others, Amber replies, "Just a positive, you know, bubbly..." and then I nodded off and hit my head on the glass table. Ouch Amber, ouch! Not nice.

(Photo via Big Brother Network)

In addition to being bubbly and effervescent, Amber intends to steer clear of the cattiness that sometimes runs amok in the Big Brother house because she doesn't like confrontation. She'd rather sit and talk it out. Oh Amber. Oh silly pretty Amber. *sharpens blade* In addition to holding Feeling Circles and crafting a Talking Stick out of some of that charred wood in the Fire Bedroom, Amber also plans on throwing competitions so the rest of the house doesn't see her as threat. *stabs self in the temple... twice* No, no, no. Bzzz! Gank! Zrrrp! Throwing competitions is a sin around these parts, Amber, and for that (and the fact that you're a thumping bore), I don't think I care for you at all.

Amber has some more cockamamie ideas about teaming up with women and having a small alliance, but, quite frankly, this girl has no idea what she's getting herself into. I don't expect much of anything from Amber in the way of drama and/or strategy. I'm sure she's a very lovely girl in the real world, but in the world of Big Brother, she's one of those Houseguest's you forget the second they're evicted.

So, what do we think of Amber? Are those fake contacts she's wearing? Comment it out bitches and have a great day!
Special thanks to Matt at the Big Brother Network for supplying the cast interviews from whence I steal my screencaps. Thanks Matt!

8 comments:

  1. I like her. Ditzy, hasn't a clue what BB is about and will probably be a threat to the 'women' she wants to align with and not understanding their hatred.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Teaming up with women and having a small alliance? In what reality universe has that ever worked?

    ReplyDelete
  3. Amber reminds me of Candice from last season...and I'm sure she is gonna bore me like Candice did...and call herself something stupid like Amber's World or some weird shit like that.

    ReplyDelete
  4. All in their 20s but two. What I wouldn't give for a Kent or Shelly; or at least anyone who remembers the 80s!

    ReplyDelete
  5. First off, Let me move my glitter tits off the keyboard. Damn things always getting in the way. Ok, insert naked happy dance here. Stop staring at my stretch marks Lala, it's rude.

    OK! NO OLD PEOPLE! Not a Reilly in sight! No Jeff and Jordan, no Jesse, this summer is already starting off better than last! Now if we can get past the uglier than sin WTF house decor, maybe we can have a halfway decent summer. Nothing makes me sadder than when the season sucks so hard you can't even bring yourself to blog about it.

    ReplyDelete
  6. This is one of my favorite parts of every new season, the pretty girl who knows nothing about BB and thinks she can flip her hair and giggle her way to a win. I love to watch them emotionally crushed into a little Playboy Bunny Ball.

    ReplyDelete
  7. This is the girl that didn't even realize that Rachel was interviewing her in the bitesize videos!

    ReplyDelete