Wednesday, June 18, 2014

Big Brother House Revealed!

Glamour seems to have once again eluded the Big Brother interior decorators. Just once I'd love a Kelly Wearstler feast for the eyes or some Martyn Lawrence-Bullard decadence. Instead they give us a DIY looking we-used-a-lot-of-mod-podge grotesque nod to nature and the four elements. *sigh* Oh well. Let's get down to business...

First up we have the Fire Bedroom which is nothing more than a primary color assault on the eyes. Cheap carpet tiles coupled with bedspreads worthy of a Spencer's Gifts and silly charred wood on the wall isn't winning Production Designer Scott Storey his own show on HGTV anytime soon. It is neither spooky nor warm. How Storey managed to make fire appear so cold and frigid is a mystery to me.

Next up is the Earth Bedroom. All I have to say is, "What in the sam hell is this mess?!" Earth?! What earth? Inner earth? The earth with lots of plywood? When I think of Earth I don't think of a cave. I think of rich auburns and greens, textures, plant life. Storey apparently thinks of spelunking.

Next we have the Hive, where HG's will gather, gossip and backstab. Unfortunately for them, they'll be doing it in the most uncomfortable room known to man. Gone are the fluffy pillows and cushioned seating. In their place are plywood boxes and carpet as cushions.

And here we have the bathroom which might be the most tolerable room in the house with its aqua and white color palette. However, that floor is hideous. Did they have a sale on carpet tiles last month? At least the pervs will be happy to note that the see-through showers are back. All the better for catching a nip slip. Don't drop the soap, Houseguests!

Next we have the Hallway which is really freaking ugly. Moving on...

This year's Kitchen features a hydroponic garden on the wall that grows various lettuces and herbs. In other words, the ants will get a tasty treat. Most noticeable here is the Memory Wall which now features 2, count 'em TWO, LCD screens. Ooooh ahhh what could that mean? I think it means we've got competing teams. Is it a Fans v. Favorites season? Is it Blood v. Water? Will the screens feature two HOH's? Are they getting Tyra Mail this year? I don't know! But it sure does give you the tingles, doesn't it?

This view of the Kitchen is icky for a lack of a better word. The counter space is all but nonexistent and the island seems awkwardly placed.

Upstairs outside of the HOH room, we find the Treehouse. While the idea may be cute, the house is completely devoid of comfort. The picnic tables and benches provide yet more hard surfaces to sit on. I mean, come on! Give the poor HG's a bloody comfy chair or something!

The Living Room/Couches provide the only semi-comfortable seating I can find, but it's in that awful Jonathan Adler-esque mid century modern that's so hot right now. Personally, I don't get the appeal of it. It reminds me of the Brady house, but, hey, at least it's cushioned!

And there you have it. Noticeably absent is the HOH Room. Will there be TWO rooms? Are they still building it? Is Tyra staying in the house? I don't know! Stay tuned...

And I'll see you back here tomorrow for my scathing first impressions of all the new knuckleheads.

All photos courtesy of CBS and "borrowed" from The Hollywood Reporter.


  1. Double you. Tea. Eff. This is what they come up with for the first hi-def season? It's almost as if this Storey guy woke up in a Vegas alley with an empty bottle of tequila in his hand and puke all over his garish Hawaiian shirt, and thought, "Hey, this could work!"

  2. It almost looks like they stopped building half-way through. Weird looking house.

  3. I actually think the hard surfaces is a good thing, it will force them out of the house and to move about. How many years have we seen people just lying on couches for hours doing nothing but daydreaming and not gaming. It will also add to the irritation and aggravation factors so we might get some grouchy hamsters cause some drama.

  4. Maybe they're hoping with all the hard surfaces the houseguests won't nap all day.

  5. I count 5 double beds. Either someone gets the floor or are there 3 people in a bed.

  6. I see 5 beds. Even w/2 to a bed, wouldn't someone have to sleep on the floor? Or could it be 3 to a bed.

  7. All the hard surfaces mean the only soft place if your bed. Don't get out of it until they force you, then right back to it asap. Did that unqualified set decorator ever study psychology? Everything in the bedrooms already looks cluttered before over a dozen people move into 2 rooms with a summer's worth of clothing and cosmetics! it looks so ugly. UGLY. All that creepy grey in every room? Those busy patterns you only see on the cheapest stuff...this guy must have a blast staying at rundown motels along the highway. Furnishing everything in carpet squares and bed-in-a-bags. Bleech! Somebody needs to force this guy to watch some BBAU to see how pretty a BB house can look,and how it makes the housemates show on screen. The people and the action takes center stage, not clutter and confusion. And check out BBUK for the many possibilities in a very tiny place. BBUS looks the same every year. Except to the hideous picnic table....hurts just to look at that and the "hive." The decorator must have a lot more padding on his bottom that I do. Those places would leave me bruised. I thought the psychology, social stress and competitions were supposed to be the contestants' biggest challenges, not finding a soft place to sit and chat. Feedsters want good talk, not wincing, moaning, distracted people who cannot get comfortable. We need all new producers, staff, studio....

  8. On 2d thought, it looks like a house for 5 year olds! Lots of them would fit in each bed....